And here and here. I did what I was told and signed my name in triplicate. The papers were notarized and we are now a court date away from being officially and lawfully over. The whole thing was more painless then expected, 0ther then crying to the point of hyperventilation, I think we both walked away as amicably as we could.
I will always question if this was right thing to do. I don't know if any passage of time is ever going to make all the pain and hurt go away. The past few months have been the hardest that I have ever experienced, such a concentrated mix of emotions; that I am sure given the choice, I would never go through this again. If there were a magical rewind button, I would have done things differently, more honestly and less hurtful, but I can't no matter how hard I try.
I hope that every day we both hurt a little less. And in the end, we can both be happier and more fulfilled apart then we were together.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
black & blue
I am now another year older and I celebrated this milestone by going out to Colorado to spend some time with some of my favorite people. To give some background, one of my best friends moved out to Denver two years ago and she and her husband have a lovely home with their somewhat temperamental Chihuahua. The two of them are big into outdoor recreation that they complained was somewhat lacking here in Chicago, they ended up choosing the mountains over a yearly gym membership here.
Anyway, we flew in way too early on Friday and spent most of the morning sleeping. We then poked around a bit in downtown and went to the behemoth, known as REI. I have never set foot into one of these stores for fear that I would feel the need to outfit myself in thousands of dollars worth of useless gear, and by useless I mean that I don't like to leave the house from December through March. I made it out unscathed, with a triumphant little hat to wear to the mountains.
That evening, we drove up into the mountains to Breckenridge, where we had a sweet little timeshare for the week. We unloaded and popped into town to get some pizza and beer. It was explained to me on the way up that altitude affects you in funny ways, the first of which is that effects of alcohol can be potent. I had one whole beer at dinner and felt as if I had about four. But the pizza was good and I learned that the locals dip their pizza crusts in honey, which was surprisingly delicious. It was an early night, we hit up one other bar that looked untouched by time complete with a wood burning stove and many a large mammal hanging from the wall.
The next day we awoke bright and early and went to the store and to find some ski rentals. An hour later, we were lifted off to the mountain in a gondola. Now, I have only been skiing once before, and that was in fifth grade on the equivalent of a hill no higher then your average snow pile in a January parking lot. My expectations for this whole skiing extravaganza was to not end up in traction or an ER by weeks end.
Day 1 of skiing was at Breckenridge, where there was a bunny hill for me to start off on, which upon reaching the top, I fell right on over as soon as I got off the lift. The first trip down the hill went as well as can be expected, with lots of falling and needing assistance up. But after just my first run, I was able to make it all the way down without falling. Stopping was soon discovered to be my Achilles heel, as I would barrel down into my friends like a cartoon at the end of each run. We made a dozen or so runs and I ended the day, feeling as though I was obviously a natural born skier and was looking forward to the next day of graduating from the bunny hill.
That evening, we cooked a nice dinner to celebrate my birthday.
It was perfect.
Day 2 of skiing, we went to Keystone instead of Breckenridge, my friends said that it would be perfect for me and my ever improving beginner level. I was nervous as hell the farther up the gondola took us. And I was woefully unprepared for what lay ahead. This run compared to the day's before run, was about 10 times longer and steeper and more crowded. The first run was a nightmare, I am sure that I fell about a dozen times, lost a ski and was on the verge of tears the whole way down. My nerves were shattered and I was pretty sure, if given a choice I would have happily been airlifted off the mountain and into the closest watering hole. But I endured what seemed to be a never ending ending trail of snow. After which, I took a much needed break to contemplate whether or not I wanted to continue.
A little peer pressure and pep talk later, we returned to the daunting hill and down we went. This time went a little bit better, but at one point, everyone got ahead of me and I took a tumble that ended with me losing a ski that I had to trot back up the hill to get and then had to put both skis back on, on a steep slope, it took some time. And in that time, my friends were waiting for me and freaked out when they saw first aid go by with a body wrapped in plastic, they were tipped off by the snowboard boots that it was not me. I did eventually make it down the run, sure that there was no way in hell that I was going down again.
Somehow on the lift back up, I got talked into it again. And down we went for the final time. This time went significantly better, only one major fall, in the exact same place I fell the time before. This tumble resulted in me losing both my skis and whacking my head so hard that I saw stars. But I shook it off and made it all the way down, actually enjoying a few minutes here and there. And in the end, was happy that I had chosen to go down again.
I awoke the next day to a very sore body, covered in a myriad of interesting bruises, which I now have photographic evidence of. The remainder of the trip was all about relaxing and recovering.
Overall, skiing was a frightening experience that I can say that I am proud of myself for at least trying. I am not sure that going to the mountains for my first attempt was the best idea, I should have perhaps conquered Mt. Trashmore first. I now recognize that adrenaline sports are not so much my cup of tea. I mean, my main sport in highschool was rowing, perhaps one of the slowest and most repetitive sports out there. But I did it and I would do it all over again, because with another birthday candle on the cake, the clock is a tickin and there is still so much that I want to do.
Anyway, we flew in way too early on Friday and spent most of the morning sleeping. We then poked around a bit in downtown and went to the behemoth, known as REI. I have never set foot into one of these stores for fear that I would feel the need to outfit myself in thousands of dollars worth of useless gear, and by useless I mean that I don't like to leave the house from December through March. I made it out unscathed, with a triumphant little hat to wear to the mountains.
That evening, we drove up into the mountains to Breckenridge, where we had a sweet little timeshare for the week. We unloaded and popped into town to get some pizza and beer. It was explained to me on the way up that altitude affects you in funny ways, the first of which is that effects of alcohol can be potent. I had one whole beer at dinner and felt as if I had about four. But the pizza was good and I learned that the locals dip their pizza crusts in honey, which was surprisingly delicious. It was an early night, we hit up one other bar that looked untouched by time complete with a wood burning stove and many a large mammal hanging from the wall.
The next day we awoke bright and early and went to the store and to find some ski rentals. An hour later, we were lifted off to the mountain in a gondola. Now, I have only been skiing once before, and that was in fifth grade on the equivalent of a hill no higher then your average snow pile in a January parking lot. My expectations for this whole skiing extravaganza was to not end up in traction or an ER by weeks end.
Day 1 of skiing was at Breckenridge, where there was a bunny hill for me to start off on, which upon reaching the top, I fell right on over as soon as I got off the lift. The first trip down the hill went as well as can be expected, with lots of falling and needing assistance up. But after just my first run, I was able to make it all the way down without falling. Stopping was soon discovered to be my Achilles heel, as I would barrel down into my friends like a cartoon at the end of each run. We made a dozen or so runs and I ended the day, feeling as though I was obviously a natural born skier and was looking forward to the next day of graduating from the bunny hill.
That evening, we cooked a nice dinner to celebrate my birthday.
It was perfect.
Day 2 of skiing, we went to Keystone instead of Breckenridge, my friends said that it would be perfect for me and my ever improving beginner level. I was nervous as hell the farther up the gondola took us. And I was woefully unprepared for what lay ahead. This run compared to the day's before run, was about 10 times longer and steeper and more crowded. The first run was a nightmare, I am sure that I fell about a dozen times, lost a ski and was on the verge of tears the whole way down. My nerves were shattered and I was pretty sure, if given a choice I would have happily been airlifted off the mountain and into the closest watering hole. But I endured what seemed to be a never ending ending trail of snow. After which, I took a much needed break to contemplate whether or not I wanted to continue.
A little peer pressure and pep talk later, we returned to the daunting hill and down we went. This time went a little bit better, but at one point, everyone got ahead of me and I took a tumble that ended with me losing a ski that I had to trot back up the hill to get and then had to put both skis back on, on a steep slope, it took some time. And in that time, my friends were waiting for me and freaked out when they saw first aid go by with a body wrapped in plastic, they were tipped off by the snowboard boots that it was not me. I did eventually make it down the run, sure that there was no way in hell that I was going down again.
Somehow on the lift back up, I got talked into it again. And down we went for the final time. This time went significantly better, only one major fall, in the exact same place I fell the time before. This tumble resulted in me losing both my skis and whacking my head so hard that I saw stars. But I shook it off and made it all the way down, actually enjoying a few minutes here and there. And in the end, was happy that I had chosen to go down again.
I awoke the next day to a very sore body, covered in a myriad of interesting bruises, which I now have photographic evidence of. The remainder of the trip was all about relaxing and recovering.
Overall, skiing was a frightening experience that I can say that I am proud of myself for at least trying. I am not sure that going to the mountains for my first attempt was the best idea, I should have perhaps conquered Mt. Trashmore first. I now recognize that adrenaline sports are not so much my cup of tea. I mean, my main sport in highschool was rowing, perhaps one of the slowest and most repetitive sports out there. But I did it and I would do it all over again, because with another birthday candle on the cake, the clock is a tickin and there is still so much that I want to do.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
hope & change
Such a big week, I feel like I have an election hangover, all the anticipation, and then for everything to come to fruition was so overwhelming and exciting. I loved every second of it. There was of course the big rally down in Grant Park, but I exercised my right to stay put and watch the returns from the couch where channel surfing could be had. A little lame, and it is not without some regret. But a great night overall surrounded by friends and good food, is all one could really ask for.
I had another interview on Tuesday. And it went better then expected. I initially met with two people, and then was introduced to two others and interviewed with them as well, I took this as a good sign. I received feedback yesterday that "the team loved me," that right, the word "loved" was actually used. I was also informed that although the job doesn't start until the first of the year, she seemed confident that I would get an offer. So keep the fingers crossed.
I have found that the recent time change is not always comprehended by 2 year olds. They don't seem to relish the extra hour of sleep and also don't take kindly to the change in their routine. Didn't see this one coming and boy has Ethan been cranky this week, hoping this remedies itself sooner rather then later.
The unemployment office has not been kind to me. I have found myself on the phone with them countless numbers of times, trying to get things clarified. I even trekked up there, only to be met with one person (seriously, one person) helping a roomful of people, I waited two hours only to be told that they couldn't help me and that I was still under review and to expect something in the mail. Seriously exasperating, but to the mailbox I go.
I had another interview on Tuesday. And it went better then expected. I initially met with two people, and then was introduced to two others and interviewed with them as well, I took this as a good sign. I received feedback yesterday that "the team loved me," that right, the word "loved" was actually used. I was also informed that although the job doesn't start until the first of the year, she seemed confident that I would get an offer. So keep the fingers crossed.
I have found that the recent time change is not always comprehended by 2 year olds. They don't seem to relish the extra hour of sleep and also don't take kindly to the change in their routine. Didn't see this one coming and boy has Ethan been cranky this week, hoping this remedies itself sooner rather then later.
The unemployment office has not been kind to me. I have found myself on the phone with them countless numbers of times, trying to get things clarified. I even trekked up there, only to be met with one person (seriously, one person) helping a roomful of people, I waited two hours only to be told that they couldn't help me and that I was still under review and to expect something in the mail. Seriously exasperating, but to the mailbox I go.
Monday, November 3, 2008
trick or treat
This Halloween marks the first time that Ethan went trick or treating, dressed as an elephant, we went with his friend from school around the neighborhood (all of two blocks). Ethan got the hang of the whole going door to door routine and sweetly saying "tick or teat" (the r's are still giving him some trouble). The only somewhat unexpected set back was the amount of stairs this involved, almost every house we went to had roughly 10 or so stairs, some more steep then others. I would say the entire experience was equivalent to popping Ethan onto a stairmaster for an hour or so. The effects of the rigorous workout were seen soon after dinner, when both boys were eye rubbing and suffering from mild post-too-much-candy syndrome.Last week, I had an interview with a non-profit here in Chicago for a temp to possible full time position. The interview went well and I felt as if I was qualified for the job and if I were the betting type, I thought they were for sure going to go with me, judging from their enthusiasm and body language. But alas, I made it into the top two and they ended up going with the other person. Though I am disappointed, it is not the end of the world and it was good for my slightly bruised ego to have a great interview. I have another interview tomorrow for a job that I am excited about and hope that it goes well. I have passed a phone interview and they seem to like my work, so that is a bonus. Keep your fingers crossed.
Sunday, I went downtown to poke around and was reminded as to how beautiful this city is. I loved seeing all the amazing architecture and enjoyed the last of the warm weather. All and all it has been a rough year but days like yesterday shake me out of my funk and I remember all of the exuberance that I was filled with when I moved here six years ago.
Election day is tomorrow...please VOTE!
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