panda sneezes

we have launch

2011-02-24T21:13:00.001-08:00

Hello faithful readers! Please go to www.pandasneezes.com for my new website! You can subscribe to my new rss feed there. Yay!

so close...

2011-02-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Safe to say that I have been slacking just a titch on the blogging front. I can't believe that my last post was last September...eep. I even found a few blog drafts that I never got around to completing. But never fear readers/relatives, the sneezes is back and will be moving very shortly to it's new permanent home on my soon to be launched website. In the past few weeks, I have finally found the focus to sit down and finish the design and have resorted to some of Ethan's tactics to get B to sit down and develop my site. But they have worked and my site is coming along nicely.

Big news is the Snowmageddon 2011. Snow, lots of it, everywhere, pretty much bringing Chicago to it's knees. We ventured out today for a bit, it was beautiful and kind of unbelievable how tall the drifts of snow were. Both of my men had a blast running and jumping into the snow. B invented a throwing game of sorts that involved launching Ethan into the snow, which both seemed to enjoy but for very different reasons.

To sum up the past four months, things have been moving along nicely. The biggest news is that B and I bought a condo. It's bigger and better then our old place and we are both thrilled with how well it has come together. Other then that, jobs are good, Ethan is great and we are slowly but surely moving ahead with some wedding planning. I have my dress and we sent Save the Dates out a few weeks ago. I feel like things are starting to pick up as we move closer to the date, now that most all of the big things have been decided upon there are a seemingly endless amount of details to attend to. It has also made both of us wax poetic about how it all began and how far we have come to be together.

On that note, must go spend some time with the finance before we fall asleep. Not to worry, regular blogging will resume from this point forward. New sites a coming and so is my 2010 in review, better late then never.

under contract

2010-09-11T06:17:00.001-07:00

A few months back, the lease on our apartment was up and our landlord allowed us to go month to month. B and I kicked around the idea of maybe buying a place. Our place was starting to feel a little bit small and with the upcoming nuptials, B pointed out that we would have nowhere to put any wedding gifts. It is also kind of an inconvenience to guests to have to either sleep on Ethan’s floor or on a blow up mattress in the living room. And real estate prices were still low and we could take advantage of the market.

There are of course many pros and cons to home buying. Were we staying in Chicago? Would we be able to find something that we loved? Could we afford it? Should we be taking on something like this in the midst of planning a wedding? And in the end would it be worth it?

We thought that it couldn’t hurt to at least test the waters and see what happens and so our real estate adventure began. We randomly found a realtor who on the very onset, told us not to get emotionally attached to any property. We looked at over a dozen properties, some we liked, some we didn’t even bother going into, and two we actually bid on. The first of which we got outbid on and were crestfallen. We found that we were not very good at not getting emotionally attached and were ready to stop looking and wait it out until after the wedding.

Two weeks passed and another property went on the market just a block south of the one we just lost the bid on. We were much more hesitant to go and look but after a few walk throughs, we loved it. We placed a bid and then the wait began. While on vacation, I saw that the property was “Under Contract,” and we were totally and completely crushed that we had again lost the bid. I talked to our realtor, who looked it up and saw that it was indeed under contract and she had never received any word back on our bid. She instructed us not to be too disappointed and gave us a pep talk that this happens and that we will keep looking.

The next day, we received a phone call, text and email letting us know that our bid was accepted and the house was under OUR contract. It seemed a little surreal and took about a day to process. There are still a lot of hoops to jump through but we are both extremely excited at the prospect of having a home. It is going to be quite an undertaking, we will basically have to gut it and start from scratch. But that is what we are the most excited about, getting to choose everything and be creative with the space. Should be interesting.

we made it

2010-09-06T06:33:00.000-07:00

So after four fast food meals, six movies and two days of travel by car, we made it. And it was worth the trip. We arrived last night to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We rented a house with my two brothers and their families and my mom to a rented house (read: huge) a mere two hundred yards from the ocean.

For the past two years we have taken a Labor Day family vacation together. It kind of started out of the blue, but has become something of a family tradition. We have taken turns choosing a location to meet at and this year it was our turn. We wanted somewhere warm where we could all stay together in one house. We kicked around some ideas and came to the Outer Banks. When we were booking it, there was an option for hurricane insurance, which I quickly checked no to. Then Hurricane Earl came in for a visit and it was a stressful week before constantly checking the radar but we lucked out and have happily made it here.

Day one of beach vacation: spent the majority of daylight hours on the beach. B explained to me that when going on this kinds of vacation the key is to spend as much time on the beach as is humanely possible. And that we did. It has been a welcome change of pace to have nothing else to do but to hang out on the beach and sit and play in the water.

covet.

2010-08-16T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have been terrible about ye olde bloggeroo lately. But there have been pretty exciting things going on. The other week we headed out to the suburbs to spend some quality time with B's parents and their pool. The main reason for this journey was to continue the never ending quest to find a wedding dress. I will preface this by saying that I found the dream dress I wanted very early on in the search but it was slightly over my dress stipend and B started wagging his finger and I was starting to feel a titch guilty about such a large expenditure. There were conflicting opinions about what to do and I pretty much had given up on this dress (after going to Macy's to try it on three times).

My future mother in law was extremely excited about a small bridal shop that carried sample dresses that all of her friend's daughters had had good luck finding dresses at. She was overly hopeful that they would have the exact dress that I had come to love so much, but I was not so optimistic. After a brief description of what I was looking for and mentioning the name of the designer, our attendant confirmed that they did carry that designer but only by special order, not off the rack. As luck would have it, five minutes later we found my exact dress. It was a wonderful surprise and I was over the moon about it. This did not stop me from trying on other dresses but I saved it for last and upon putting it on, we all knew that the search was finally over.

And not only did I find my dress but I also found a kick ass veil. Something I was not planning on getting, but after trying a few options on, the owner said that she had the perfect veil for me that had recently come in and that had been featured in Vogue magazine, music to my fashionable little ears. Suffice it to say, it was not a hard sell and it really was perfect, both modern and chic and went great with the dress.

One more thing off the checklist, and in my mind, one of biggest. My lovely bridesmaids also found great dresses that they ended up getting an incredible deal on, which makes me (and them) very happy. Other then that the wedding planning has been slowly inching ahead. Not too stressed about much, the wedding still feels pretty far away. But I do get pretty giddy about the thought of being husband and wife and getting to spend a day celebrating with everyone. It's going to be great.

urgent care

2010-07-26T14:12:00.000-07:00

For the past week, Ethan has been sick, really sick. What started off as him not feeling good and spending the day with his grandma turned into an entire week, with a spiking fever of 104. I got him back on Friday and he seemed well enough but still a bit off. We spent the weekend pretty low key, had soccer, had lunch with nana and papa and later on, went to a friend's BBQ. All was going well, until our friend's daughter started screaming "Ethan's mom, Ethan's puking!" And there he was in the kitchen with some strawberry spit up on the ground. The kid next to him kindly explained that Ethan was yelling for so long that he threw up. Awesome. We soon departed and headed home. It did not occur to me at this point that maybe Ethan was not 100%.

The next day, we decided to take Ethan to the "elephant zoo" (Brookfield Zoo) because he had missed the field trip there on Friday, and he really wanted to see the bear exhibit. We arrived and what started as "two adults and one child" turned into "I would like to purchase the annual family membership," which in my mind pretty much inexplicably insures that we will never return. The zoo was hot and all of the animals were hot. We were all moving pretty slow, especially Ethan, who usually bounds from animal and animal. He even refused popcorn and ice cream, which made us start to think that something was definitely off.

Later that same day, Ethan started to complain that his stomach hurt, this went on for a few hours. We took him into urgent care, which was a rather interesting experience. The doctor was wearing a three piece suit with a red tie and had a rather large bald head and spoke with an incredibly thick accent, calling Ethan, "BABY!" We both felt a little dubious. But his diagnosis ended up being spot on, he told us that it was not appendicitis, and then wrote us out a prescription, explaining that it was an anti-nauseous drug. I informed him that Ethan wasn't really throwing up, and then he smiled and assured me that he will most definitely throw up. And as if on cue, Ethan starts vomiting, all over the place. It was horrifying and slightly hilarious at the same time.

Unfortunately, the hilarity did not stop there. The next day, Ethan continued to complain that his stomach hurt and I thought it may have been because he hadn't pooped in two days. So I fed him a bunch of prunes and then B tells me that water helps with constipation, so he drank a bunch of water. And then we laid down to read books, and then he says that he has to go to the bathroom. Success, I thought. But really just the opposite. Ethan started puking all over the place, again. But this time we were not in a doctor's office that we could leave, we were in his bathroom encouraging him to focus his energies on the toilet. We were completely unsuccessful, he was like a loose fire hose, prunes and water everywhere.

All of this may be a bit too much information. But I did take away from this an important lesson, that sometimes you have to go through some bad to remember the good. Ethan reminded me that what I love about him is his endless amounts of energy and the sound of his sweet voice asking endless amounts of questions. Seeing him feel so bad and barely eating for the past few days was rough, on both of us. But I am happy to report that the monster awoke bright eyed and bushy tailed this morning, and is back to his normal self.

twin cities

2010-07-21T18:26:00.000-07:00

Because my blogging has been so sporadic as of late. I forgot to post about our trip to Minneapolis over the 4th of July holiday. We had decided a few months back that we would make a return trip to Minneapolis. The night before our trip, Mandy and Frank came with their boys to spend the night. It was kind of a frantic but once we got everyone down we did what we do best, have some drinks, talk and hang out.

The next day, after I went to work for a few hours, we headed up for a very long 6.5 hours of driving up to the twin cities. Ethan was great, he is now the proud owner of a gently used Apple 3g phone that is now essentially his video player. We finally arrived, and settled in for the night. We chatted and hung for a bit but everyone was pretty exhausted.

The next day, we woke bright and early. The boys watched cartoons and Mandy and I did something we have NEVER done together before, after almost 20 years of friendship...we went for a run. I was very happy to have the company and impressed that she had agreed to go.

After this, we went out into the blazing hot heat for a trip to the zoo/carnival. Frank and I took the boys on a ride that successfully made all of us ridiculously dizzy and slightly nauseous. The boys went on some other fun rides and then they had their first corn dog, followed by a gigantic popsicle, not the best nutritional choices, but we were on vacation. We perused the zoo portion and I will sum it up by saying, that Owen did a fine job grilling the zoo staff about the fake banana and Ryan went home really wanting a pet monkey. After finding our way home, the boys napped and we relaxed. B made ribs for everyone for dinner, it was delicious and we enjoyed the entertainment of small children playing in a pool. Later on that evening, Andi and Marc flew in. And now the group was complete. Needless to say this completion was followed by lively conversation, good beer and my new favorite cocktail of sour mash and ginger ale (courtesy of Frank).

Saturday, Aimee and Ryan threw a 4th of July BBQ. It was a great day and even better evening of grilled meat, cocktails and catching up. Sunday and Monday were a blur, Mandy and Frank hit the open road back to Michigan and we went the park, the Mall of America, took a long walk, ate good food, and spent quality time together. It was great. The whole weekend was great. Ethan and Owen had a ball together, Everett is catching up quick and little Asher will be part of the gang soon enough.

We thank Aimee and Ryan for their bravery in letting three of their friends stay in their home with their respective families. There wasn't a night or more then an hour that went by without someone crying about something. We thank you both for hosting all of us, we surely did not make things easy but in the end it was worth the many miles traveled for a few days that we could all be together.

On your left

2010-07-11T18:14:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, B somehow talked me into signing up for the L.A.T.E ride. Which stands for "Long After Twilight Ends," which is an annual after midnight bike ride throughout Chicago. He was all excited to do it again and tried talking me into it, with the added pressure of a Groupon. So I eventually acquiesced to the badgering, knowing that I had a bike that had recently been purchased and still needed to be fixed. To which he promised he would take care of and he kept his word, taking it into the bike store and picking it up for me.

So the day of reckoning arrived and I was oddly nervous. In my head, it was going to be not unlike the Tour de France. We waited along with 10,000 other bikers to start the ride. This was my favorite part of the race, standing there surrounded by so many people with the same mission in mind, it was kind of surreal. Then the ride started and the numbers dwindled as heats of riders were released. I thought the starting out part was going to be a mad dash, but it was anything but, we slowly headed north on Halstead where we hit a lot of traffic and lights. It improved but not by a lot, I felt like the bike ride was analogous to Chicago vehicular traffic. It was stop and go and there were a lot of a-holes out there, making things worse for everyone. But I did have pleasant chats with everyone in our group, B, B's dad and the lovely Allison. And I will admit that riding at a nice clip around the lakefront path is not something that you do every day. It reminded me that it is nice being with someone who takes me out of my comfort zone and we go on fun adventures together.

coming soon

2010-06-08T19:39:00.000-07:00

So, I have spent less time with my tireless ramblings and more time getting my website done. I have finally buckled down and started to work on it, for real real. As opposed to my past lame attempts to put something together. But I am happy to report that there has been major progress and I am really happy with the direction that things are heading. It feels kind of odd to come home from spending my day designing to spending time designing my own stuff. But it has also been exciting and serves as a reminder of why I became a designer in the first place.

The past few weekends have been busy. We went up to Michigan for a weekend to see the Critchfield family and to see my brother and his family. We had a splendid time with both, Ethan had a blast with Owen on the slip and slide/bouncy castle adventure course and then hung with his cousin and went on a pony ride and enjoyed the joys of cable tv. We also got to take the new car on a little road trip, enjoyed the cheap gas prices and was painfully reminded of Michigan's mosquito population.

This past weekend, Andi came into town to "continue her education." Which translates into bars, couch time, naps, dinner, a game night, brunch, couch time, a bbq, a movie and an eventual sad parting. She likes to taunt me with the idea that she will eventually move back, but I know better and enjoy her company when I have it. And in a few short weeks, we will all reunite in Minneapolis for a fun filled 4th of July.

That is a brief synopsis of the events of the past two weeks. Our dance card is currently full, this weekend there are a lot of plans but few actual decisions and then next weekend we will be hosting a lot of family for my cousin's wedding. I am happy to have some warm weather, even happier that I can get outside and run again and am incredibly thankful for the great friends to spend these summer days with.

east coast adventures

2010-05-19T19:50:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago we took a family vacation out to Providence to see Justin and his family. We had promised Ethan that we would take him on a "big airplane" for his birthday, and that we did. Ethan was amazing on the way out there, read his books and watched a movie, we were thankful for small miracles.

After arriving we toured the new house, and then had a picnic of sandwiches from my favorite place in Providence, the Sandwich Hut. Later on we went out to dinner and then there were some birthday presents exchanges and some cupcakes were had. Then bedtime for the kids and wine time for the adults, a common theme to our vacations.

The next day we hung out with the kids all day and after naptime, we headed out to Conneticut to see my friend Julie and her husband Julius and their five kids. That's right, five kids. Just to backtrack slightly, I haven't seen my friend in nearly 10 years, we lived together back in Lansing and shared many great times together. And it was one of those things that as soon as we saw each other and started talking, it had been like no time had passed. It was a wonderful night, there was lots of wine, and cheese and delicious foods and an eventual midnight dinner. Everyone got along well, and Ethan had a ball with all of the other kids. We both agreed, that they somehow managed to make having such a large family seem like a great idea.

The next day we drove back to Providence for Emerson's cowgirl 4th birthday party. There is something about kids dressed up as cowboys that will never not be adorbale. The party consisted of an obstacle course, pin the tail on the horse, some presents, some cake and only one meltdown (I am happy to report was not my child). The party wound down and so did we. The next day was our last and we toured around Providence and hung out. The time to leave came far too soon, we had a great time visiting with everyone and only wish that we could make it out more often.

back pains

2010-05-13T16:00:00.000-07:00

For the past three weeks, I have been suffering from back pains, which has been why I haven't been blogging much. The level of pain has varied from mildly annoying to shooting back spasms. I have had acupuncture twice, went to the chiropractor twice and went to one yoga class. All seemed to help my back but it has stayed around much longer then anticipated. Much to the chagrin of B who is probably sick of the bed smelling of Ben Gay and tired of hearing me complain and gimp around.

While at the chiropractor, I had an xray done and found out some rather unsettling news. One of my legs is shorter then the other which has caused me to overcompensate in my teen years and result in a crooked spine! He did nothing to assuage my quiet panic that I was deformed. I was so freaked out that I was scared to tell B, but he just laughed and told me it was really common.

Thankfully I think that I am finally on the mend, today was the first day that I have felt back to normal. This injury has forced me to take a respite from my morning runs and gym workouts, which oddly enough, I thought I would miss more then I do. So, I guess I should enjoy these last few days of recovery.

for all you motha's

2010-05-10T18:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated Mother's Day. I remembered to call my mom and had pleasantries with her. I also remembered to pick up my son after which we headed out to celebrate with B's family. My men treated me very well, Ethan made me a purple-flowered mother's day card, which he signed three times along with a bracelet that he tooled together for me at school. B bought me a bike the other week, which we got a good deal on through a friend. With his new love for biking, he thought that it would be nice to have me around while he did it. And then on Friday, he im-d me to to check my email, where seconds later, a gift certificate for a massage at my favorite spa place popped up. It was a wonderful surprise, I am very lucky.

The better half of the weekend was spent traveling to and from B's sisters college graduation. The graduation itself pulled no surprises, but afterwords we celebrated with some champagne and dinner. Congratulations to Liss, we are so happy for you and hope that student teaching goes well for you.

So back to Mother's Day. We headed out to the suburbs to B's aunt and uncles house. Upon arrival, there was disproportionate amount of meat being grilled and suspiciously large wine bottles. Usually in this sort of situation, I would make efforts to not over serve myself, which was not accomplished. I would argue that I was well within the predicated numbers of drinks rule of thumb. I would estimate that fun usually occurs somewhere between drink number three and drink number five. Anything after that usually turns into trouble. When assessing my situation, I only had two glasses of wine and thought a third was totally acceptable. I may have failed to include top offs and the giant wine glass into my calculations. And somewhere between dinner and Ethan riding a horse, I got pretty blasted. I really did not mean to and thank my finance for swiftly removing me from the situation and driving us safely home.

Perhaps not my greatest performance as a mother. But most of the time, I try to be a good mom. I think the biggest shift this year has been that Ethan is truly a little man now. He is so talkative and imaginative and is such a little charmer; it's pretty ridiculous when you love someone so much and you can't wait to see their faces and hear their voices and feel them put their hand into yours. It's pretty amazing being a mom.

shiny & awesome

2010-04-29T22:13:00.000-07:00

These last two weeks have been hectic. So instead of slowing down like normal people, we decided to take on a new endeavor. To back track slightly, our car recently went in for a routine oil change, that took roughly 2.5 hours, which I have gracefully moved past. But was informed that the car needed approximately $2,500 in repairs. To which we promptly blue booked, to find that the value of our car was only $1,700 (which likely did not include this costly repair).

It was then decided that a car purchase was in our near future. Field research was done, which mostly consisted of B sending me random links of a variety of cars from the greater Cook County area. We then democratically narrowed it down to either a CR-V or a Forester, due to nice size that we could take trips with and the capacity to load B's drum kit.

To make this long story short. After reading that these two particular cars got the highest marks by Consumer Reports and other various car raters, we set a budget and two days later found ourselves at the Subaru dealership, where 24 short hours later, we bought a brand spanking new Forester. This was not exactly the plan, but their used selection was all of one, and after some negotiating and a surprisingly high trade in offer, we were lured in by the sunroof and lower lumbar support. And as B's friend pointed out, B likes to buy things that are "shiny and awesome." And it really is just that.

good shows

2010-04-19T18:30:00.000-07:00

The other week, me and my favorite menfolk went on over to see Fanfarlo at Lincoln Hall. I think it is safe to say that everyone was looking forward to it, their new album had been on heavy rotation, and none of us had seen a show yet at LH. The room was pretty sweet, good sound and was that perfectly intimate size. The show itself was a-mazing. There have been few times that I have ever gone to a show and been this unexpectedly wowed, the combined talent and overall sound of this group was incredible. I'd say that it was a mash-up of Clap your Hands, Arcade Fire with The Talking Heads. It was a super night and me really likey this new venue, the good people of Schuba's are really onto something.

Recently, I marked my one year anniversary at Blue Daring with my boss treating us to a Cubs game. It was a ridiculously gorgeous day out and there was unlimited drink and grilled meat, what more could you ask for. And as luck would have it, the Cubs made a comeback in the eighth inning and ended up winning, so perhaps I need to go to more games. Thanks to the boss lady for a fun afternoon and escape from the office.

Later on that same day, B played his first show since last fall. They played a rockin' good show at at the Beat Kitchen. I think we are all thankful that they have finally found a great bassist and can start playing more shows again.

And if that wasn't enough for one week, we also had a wedding up in Lake Geneva. The ceremony was one of the best ones that I have been to, it was short, had great humor and it made me cry. The bride looked gorgeous and the groom seemed elated, as it should be. The reception was fun and the band was so good, it made me reconsider what we were going to do for ours.

So April is off to a busy start and there seems to be no end in sight.

spring has sprung

2010-04-06T17:42:00.000-07:00

I have had a lot of material for this here blog but no time to actually type it all out. So this is going to be a whole lot of fragmentation and probably some incomplete thoughts, but what else is new.

First up, Easter with the B's family. We arrived Saturday afternoon in time to dye some eggs, run around the yard and eat some dinner. Later on that evening, we had some drinks and played the now infamous Table Topics. The last time we played this was Christmas, everyone cried, someone puked and B and I got into a drunken rumble of sorts. But this time we were drama free. Good job us! The next morning, Ethan went on an Easter egg hunt, followed by a big family brunch, where Ethan happily got to hang out with the girl. Another memorable holiday spent with my soon to be family, I count my lucky stars that B's family has been so welcoming and as my mother pointed out, has taken to Ethan and I.

Last week, I took B to go see Spoon at the Aragon for his birfday. It's been so long since we have been to a show, I had forgotten how loud they were. We ended up in the upper balcony, where all the old timers go to have ample standing room and comment on how the sound is better up there. Spoon was great, they seemed to get off to a rocky start but they played a pretty near perfect set list and after many futile attempts to see them before, I was pretty thrilled to finally see them live.

In other news, my dad is now officially retired. On April Fool's Day, his employer of 38 years threw him the fanciest pizza party that I have seen. There was an overwhelming feeling that the people there truly enjoyed working with my dad and that he will be truly missed. He delivered an engaging and witty speech and I am glad we were able to attend. I still have a hard time wrapping my brain around the whole concept of not having to go to work anymore, seems pretty awesome and I hope my dad is enjoying it.

The other weekend, my mom came to town and we did a little wedding dress shopping. Within two days, I tried on about 25 dresses and can report that I loved one and liked about a half dozen other ones. The principle of you pay for what you get was pretty obvious, the quality of dress was fairly proportional to the price. Though there are ALOT of very expensive ugly dresses out there. I find myself torn between the two schools of thoughts on wedding dresses: 1. It's a colossal waste of money, I am only going to wear the dress once, for a few hours. I should get something basic and accessorize the hell out of it. Because no matter what I wear, I am pretty sure B will still marry me. 2. Get the dress you can't live without (this is supported by both moms), it's a special day and you want jaws to drop when you walk down the aisle. It's quite the conundrum, but luckily I have plenty of time to keep searching.

On a closing note, we are going to see Fanfarlo this evening and I can't wait. And next Wednesday B's band, The VanGogh's are playing the Beat Kitchen, so if you can make it, it should be a good show.

and to think i saw it on hooker street...

2010-03-24T18:48:00.001-07:00

We have made some progress with the wedding planning and we have found the place where we will marry and set a date! It is a beautiful space with wide plank floors, exposed brick, high ceilings and skylight windows. We both loved it as soon as we saw it. The only less then pleasing part is that it is on Hooker St. Not so thrilled to have that printed on the wedding invitation, but what can you do.

So we now have a sort of biggish thing accomplished. Next up, wedding dress shopping. It does not escape me that we will not marry for another 15 months and that it may be a tad early to go shopping. But my mom is coming to town for the weekend and I thought it would be nice to go look at some dresses with her, and have some good old-fashioned mother-daughter-future-mother-in-law bonding (B's mom is coming along as well). I can only hope that some wine is readily available, in case things get hairy.

happy birthday to you!

2010-03-23T16:53:00.000-07:00

Well due to my lack of blogging, I have not announced that a very important day just passed. The week before last was B's birthday and he is thankfully another year older and we took time out of our busy schedules to celebrate. I will break it down like this: 24 funfetti cupcakes, 3 birthday dinners, one shot of birthday whiskey, one bottle of birthday rye, two birthday tickets to go see Spoon, zero spankings and one bike that the birthday boy bought himself.

The birthday boy has taken up a new hobby of biking with an obsessive compulsivity that I have never seen before. I have always viewed hobbies as something that you try out first, see if you like it, and then if it takes maybe make a small purchase or two. Not B, he has taken to biking like none other which is ironic seeing as I owned a bike last year, and sold it because he never expressed any interest in getting a bike so we could bike together. One year later, he has now bought himself a very handsome bike, and just about every bike accessory out there. This is not to say that I am not extremely proud of him, because it is good cardiovascular activity, saves money (sort of) and is environmental sound. My favorite thing that he has said about it is "it is so different then being on my scooter." Chalk up one more thing that I love about you. Happy birthday!

when we have fun

2010-03-10T18:14:00.000-08:00

We had a action packed weekend. We threw ourselves a par-tee to celebrate our engagement with some of our good friends. The adventure began on Friday evening after work. We began at Crate & Barrel where we were buying a friend's birthday present and somehow ended up starting a registry. Which ended up being completely useless because after receiving our magical gun, the salesperson politely asked "When are you getting married," to which we answered "June...2011," this was met with a brief explanation that because most of the merchandise was seasonal, he wouldn't recommend registering for anything other then small appliances. Six small appliance later, we surrendered the gun and admitted our defeat.

Next up were Binny's and Trader Joes, where we purchased a cartload of liquor and beer and then a cartload of frozen appetizers. We felt victorious by nights end because not only had we bought everything for the party but now we wouldn't have to brave North and Clybourn on a Saturday afternoon.

The next day we cleaned and attempted to remove every last cat hair due to our friends husband's allergies. Our thanks to my dad and stepmom's generous donation of a Dyson vacuum. It is truly a magnificent piece of machinery, that makes vacuuming a fascinating but disturbing science experiment.

Later on that evening. People showed up bearing bottles of wine and lovely cards. Drinks were made, Old Fashions were the biggest hit of the evening. There were introductions, some moderate to heavy drinking, conversations and some alleged dancing. It was truly a lovely party. And a nice reminder that our wedding is going to be very similar but I get to wear a white dress and then we get to spend an evening with those that we love the most, I can't wait.

The next morning was fairly painless barring the glaring sunlight that poured into our room. But a sleep mask and few hours of sleep later, we surveyed the kitchen, turned on the Roomba (yet another amazing piece of machinery), grabbed the paper and headed out to brunch. B's friends met us up as we enjoyed a delicious breakfast and bloody mary together.

I forgot to mention that this particular Sunday was honestly, one of the best days that I have had in recent memory. Aimee came to town for the party and Ryan had to study all day, so we had agreed that she could spend the day with us. And that she did. After some post-brunch lounging she burst in and announced that she had already puked that morning and was now ready to do nothing. And that we did, for the next ten hours. It was surreal how truly wonderful it was to spend the day with some of my favorite people and watch t.v., play games, eat some delicious appetizers (that I forgot to make the night before) and end the night watching the Oscars. It was brilliant, Aimee was a huge hit. I thank her for coming down and thank Doug and Nathan for being wonderful friends. I like when we have fun.

fancy pants

2010-03-03T17:44:00.000-08:00

Last week was Restaurant Week here in Chicago, it takes place every year when all the fanciest restaurants in town offer a $32 tasting menu. It is a pretty amazing concept and it is one of those things that I read about each year but never take advantage of. As luck would have it, timing worked out perfectly and I booked us a reservation at Japonais at 5:30 pm for Sunday. We felt like we were going to an early bird special, but in ironed clothes. The food was good but not great, the cocktails on the other hand were delicious but ridiculously over-priced.

After that, we went and had a few more drinks at the bar next door before heading over to the new fancy movie theater, Icon. For those of you who haven't heard of this, there are now movie theaters with cocktails, gourmet food and comfortable armchairs to sit in. I must admit that I was dubious of it, seeing as I balk at matinee prices, but it was pretty luxurious and a nice addition to our date night.

In other news, Ethan just got his school portraits done. And after getting them back, I couldn't help but to think that he really looks like a boy now. He is talking so much now and is able to put together complete sentences with some interesting observations, his new favorite thing is finding words that rhyme. We can have now have conversations, albeit short ones, but the leaps and bounds in his language skills over the past six months have been pretty astounding.

The other day B and I were discussing whether or not we would have a baby together. I think B's knee jerk reaction is to say no, we already have our hands full with Ethan, which is very true. And part of me would be completely ok with just one, but there is another part of me that thinks that it would wonderful to go through the experience of having a baby together. Time will tell, there are many pros and cons to think about and there is also a wedding to plan.

Speaking of, planning is going fairly well. We looked at two more places this past weekend, and thought that both of them were the best ones that we have seen so far. We are leaning more towards one then the other, so hopefully we will have made a decision and have set a date very soon. We also have someone to marry us! Our good friend Nathan spent some time this past weekend on the interwebs and is now officially able to preside over us. Pretty awesome. Things are shaping up nicely.

two different histories

2010-02-26T07:44:00.001-08:00

Saw this poster this morning and thought it was pretty awesome.

The first was in response to this.

and so it's begins...

2010-02-24T18:01:00.000-08:00

The joys of planning a wedding! We have officially begun the process and I can report that thus far we have looked at two different venues, I have bought one wedding magazine and theknot.com completely overwhelms me. There seems to be an unbelievable amount of stuff to do and now I can see why brides lose their minds worrying about every little detail.

The way I see it it is a lot like what I learned in art school. That when you look at visual art, it is the gestalt that matters; which is the essence or shape of an entity's complete form. No one really cares about the favors or the table cards or the flowers or even the cake. What they really want from a wedding is a short ceremony, alcohol, good food, witty speeches and then more alcohol and a dance floor. And I am more then happy to give my people all of those things.

In fact, I can't wait. I love being engaged. We are better for it and that's been a nice feeling. I am excited at the prospect of finding a place and setting the date. And then onwards to finding the alleged "you know it when you first try it on" wedding dress. I am looking forward to seeing the vast variety of dresses out there. I certainly plan on trying some ridiculous ones on, just to see what I would look like covered in lace and tulle. I think overall, the simpler the better is going to become my mantra for all things wedding related.

There are also the invites. I am torn between doing a nice letterpress templated type or if I should design our own. The thought of designing them seems inexplicably stressful. I suppose that if I set my expectations a little bit below designing the greatest wedding invite ever, it may take the edge off. And I have my friend Josef, who offered to assist with the printing.

So, prepare my loyal readers, it has begun. The next 16 months will be filled with fascinating stories of sampling catered food, the trials and tribulations of registering and some insight into how to throw an affordable but yet still super fun wedding.

valentine's day

2010-02-17T18:22:00.000-08:00

As mentioned, B and I escaped for a little holiday weekend in scenic Galena, Illinois. We stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast where we were greeted by perhaps the friendliest man alive. After a painstakingly extensive overview of the town he showed us to our room. He then added that there just so happen to be a luxury suite still available with a hot tub and fireplace, which he would be more then happy to split the difference with us on. This being our first trip alone together, we really had no choice but to accept this offer, it would be rude not to.

After that we drove into town to dine at the best restaurant in town. We arrived, found parking and get this...three hours of free parking, such a novel concept. Dinner was sub par, but our server more then made up for it by telling us his whole entire life story, portioned out by the courses of our meal. The friendliness of the server and of the town was exhausting.

The next day we drove out to Chestnut Mountain for a day of skiing. As most people know, skiing is not my forte. I have tried it twice in the mountains of Colorado and have found that this particular activity brings varying degrees of pain and suffering. But B loves it, so it is hard to refuse. The hills of Galena were admittedly easier and I made it through the first portion unscathed. The main difference between the midwest and the mountains was the length of the runs, here they took about 2-3 minutes compared to 15-20 there, a vast but welcome difference. But after a few falls and some wimpering, I made it through enough runs that B mercifully called it a day.

Later that evening we decided to walk into town for dinner. On our way, there was a park with a statue of Ulysses S. Grant that B claimed he wanted to see. After about five seconds, I was ready to continue our cold march into town when he said that he wanted to ask me something. And before I knew it, he was down on one knee with a ring box in his hand. There are few times in life that the world seems to stop as it did at that moment. I can't even remember what he said, the disbelief that this was happening was overwhelming. But there on my finger was a beautiful ring that he had designed for me and gave to me on a romantic weekend that he had orchestrated with a surprise proposal to spend the rest of our days together. It really doesn't get much better then this.

We are now engaged and I can't stop smiling. The joy and happiness that I feel is unbelievable. I have in my life an amazing man that loves me completely, who knows me better then I know myself sometimes. Though I am less then excited to start the arduous task of planning a wedding, I am looking forward to having our closest friends and families gather together to celebrate a love that I once thought I would never find.

it won't stop snowing

2010-02-09T18:02:00.000-08:00

Today we woke up to a world covered in snow. I have to admit that I like the snow. I like that it makes everything a little quieter and covers up the grey of the winter time. But I am also secretly hoping that this is the last snow of the year, and winter is just going out with a bang by dropping a foot of snow.

Unfortunately with all of this snow, Ethan's school closed early today and will likely be closed tomorrow. It's ridiculously challenging to try to work from home and tame the wild beast. Though I am sure his perfect day would involve sitting on the couch watching cartoons all day and eating popcorn on demand. I will resist such urges and hope that his best friend's school will also be cancelled so that we can all go play in the snow together.

This past weekend was nice. B got ambitious and bought two racks of ribs that he prepped with a zeal that I have never seen before. There is something about meat, especially pork that seems to whip him in to a frenzy. We had so much meat that we ended inviting a few friends over to share it with, it was convenient that the professional football players had a game going on that very same night.

This weekend we have are leaving the city behind for a weekend in Galena, Illinois. Never been, but everyone's reaction is exactly the same, they smile at the word "Galena" and say that it is a nice little town. The main appeal was that it wasn't too far away and there is skiing, which all of this snow will come in handy for. I am actually kind of excited for some midwest hill skiing, it's going to be a cakewalk compared to Colorado. I hope.

Other then that, I have taken on the task that is my website and will hopefully have it up sometime in this calendar year. My design is well on it's way and I will just have to be super nice to the developer boyfriend so that it actually gets developed.

the freeze is over

2010-02-03T17:40:00.000-08:00

January is now over and we successfully made it a month without buying anything extraneous other then groceries. With the exception of some sleds, we did surprisingly well. I even had some fleeting thoughts of extending it another month, but that came to a swift end when I saw some reasonably priced tickets to Providence. So roughly eight mouseclicks later, we bought 3 tickets to go see my brother and his family for a long weekend in April. It's also Ethan's birthday, so we told him that for his birthday we were going to go on an airplane, to which he gleefully responded "a REAL airplane?" I couldn't be more excited. B's never been out there and it will be so nice to spend some time together with my brother and his family.

off and running

2010-01-20T17:16:00.000-08:00

The new year is off to a good start. Although the state of Massachusetts might have ruined it today...and I suppose the good people of Haiti might also disagree. But in my small little world, things are going a-ok.

We had an exhausting weekend. We saw lots of friends, cooked some really delicious food, had a few cocktails and played way too much Settlers of Catan. Three nights in a row with three different sets of friends. And sadly, I only won once. We also went to an engagement party, went bowling, saw Sherlock Holmes (highly entertaining), and B got a fancy new haircut.

As of late we have been obsessively watching True Blood. It's our new Mad Men. But season 2 is coming to a quick end, so we have been told to watch the Wire. I find that it's kind of lame to watch these shows after everyone else has, because no one can really remember what happen or they don't want to talk about if for fear that they will ruin it because they can't really remember what happen. It's a lose lose situation. We need to find new friends that are a few seasons behind watching most tv shows that we heard were good. Maybe I will start a Meetup Group for People who Caught on to a Show a Few Seasons behind, but probably not. Due to the daunting task of trying to catch up on Lost before it starts the final season, but I still have 11 episodes to go and I am going to be honest, it's not looking good.

In other less then exciting news, I am now in two book clubs. And I find that reading on deadline seems to disagree with me. I inevitably find myself procrastinating. But yet, I find myself suggesting to start book clubs left and right with enthusiasm. I think something is misfiring in my brain. And on that note, I leave you.

resolutions

2010-01-10T11:33:00.001-08:00

Over the holiday, B's mom had told us about someone she knew that resolved to not purchase anything new except for food for a year. Not surprisingly, she ended up saving thousands of dollars. This got me to thinking if we could do the same thing. And the answer that we came to was probably not, but let's try it out for a month. So we are 10 days into the new year, so far so good, except for a sled purchase that was deemed necessary for some winter fun yesterday.

I think that giving up stuff for a month is going to hopefully be a bit of a reset button for us. Not unlike a fast or a cleanse, it is not sustainable long term for us to not buy anything ever again. But it would do us some good to be thankful for all the stuff that we have and hopefully save some money this year.

My thoughts for this year are to make micro-resolutions which will hopefully result in small shifts in my life that will make things more fulfilling and happier.

1. Do yoga once a week: something that I enjoy doing so much, but only do sporadically
2. Cook more: my quest to become a better cook in 2009 has yielded fairly good results. I am getting a hang of things but still rely heavily on recipes. Luckily, we got a combined four new cookbooks for Christmas so the quest continues.
3. Finish my website: it was started, the design was almost complete and then my laptop got stolen and nothing was backed up. So I started anew and am tinkering away at it.
4. Catch up: There are a few people that I make a concerted effort to talk to frequently, but there are a few people that I should make more of an effort to talk to more.
5. Gratitude: It was suggested to me that perhaps before every dinner, we should all hold hands (which Ethan really enjoys doing) and instead of saying grace we should all say something that we are grateful for. To teach Ethan the meaning of gratitude and for us to be reminded of it as well.
6. Patience: You can never have to much. And like any parent, I sometimes run short on it.

That's about it. A fairly unexciting set of resolutions. That said, I do think that 2010 is going to be a fantastic year. Both B and I got job offers for permanent full time employment which I am excited and relieved about. There was a minor blip of excitement that we might be moving to Colorado after B interviewed for a job in Boulder, but their lack of alacrity with a job offer has made us re-think this and have decided that two of us being employed here is better then one of us possibly being employed there. That is not to say that we have given up on the idea of moving west, it is still there, but the timing of this seemed off and a little bit too much too soon. We have finally reached a point of things being settled and really good, no need to rock the boat just yet.

2009 in Review

2010-01-06T17:39:00.000-08:00

In 2009 I really enjoyed: Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri, brunch at Lula Cafe, Settler's of Catan, Mad Men, and seeing the Weakerthans at Bottom Lounge.

Saw these movies and loved them:
• Where the Wild Things Are
• Away We Go
• I Love You, Man
• Avatar

Couldn't stop listening to:
• Andrew Bird: Noble Beast
• The Dodos: Time to Die
• The Rural Alberta Advantage: Hometowns
• The XX: xx
• Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavilion

The Highlight Reel:
• Job offer. Unemployment drought ends. And to top it off, I love my new job.
• Took birthday trips and got to hang out in the mountains.
• Road trip to Minneapolis to see my people.
• My nephew Thoren joins the world.
• B quits shit job and gets a super fantastic one.
• There were some sunny days spent on patios and in parks.
• B took up running with me and I go and lift heavy objects with him.
• Went to the chapel and watched friends love another.
• Ethan goes to Kiddieland before it closed.
• Labor day trip with the fam-damily.
• Andi and Marc welcome a red-headed stepchild.
• Ate some delicious foods and drank responsibly.

There was also apple-picking, Easter-egg hunting, fireworks watching, slip and sliding, carousel-riding, walrus-riding in the pool, farm animal petting, pumpkin patches, trick or treating, cookie-baking, Christmas tree trimming...all the times spent with my two favorite men, who I love so much and don't know what I would do without.

the most wonderful time of the year

2009-12-31T05:35:00.000-08:00

The holiday season has kept us very busy, so busy that I haven't posted in quite some time.

At the beginning of December, we had a whirlwind trip to Michigan for a quick visit with Mandy and Frank and then had an early Christmas celebration with my mom and Seth's family. Mandy and Frank's went as B predicted: 1. boys will play and go to bed 2. beer will be offered, probably an IPA 3. you and Mandy will split a bottle of wine 4. play some cards 5. we will go to bed early. His prediction was eerily close, the IPA was Lagunitas but we did not play cards. Always good to see them, albeit this visit seemed especially brief.

The next day we headed over to see Seth and his lovely collection of dental tools. After an hour of teeth torture we headed up to East Lansing so that I could show Bryan my alma mater, the tour was quick one with only a few fleeting moments of nostalgia. The highlight was definitely having lunch at my most favorite place, Thai Kitchen with my good friend Patti. The food was as delicious as I remember it and the company was too.

Later on that day we had an early Christmas at my mom's new apartment. It consisted of cookie baking, my mom's lasagna (my favorite) and some present opening. Justin and family even joined in via skype, which was nice, but not quite the same. Hopefully next year we can all be together again.

Upon return to Chicago, we only seemed to get busier. There was Christmas tree purchasing and decorating, out of town guests, company parties, job interview, a first book club meeting, a dinner party or two and some holiday parties, and then finally Christmas.

On the eve of, we baked some cookies and enjoyed another virtual round of present opening with Justin's family. Ethan took a nap and then we headed out to B's parents, where we were able to enjoy some room-temperature ham together. It was delicious. We then put some cookies and carrots out for Santa and his reindeers and Ethan went to sleep with what I can only hope were visions of sugarplums dancing in his head. Not soon after, I innocently dozed off during A Muppet's Christmas Carol, which I come to find out later is a sacred Dunk tradition. Crap.

The next morning, I kept waking up, thinking that Ethan would be up early. As luck would have it he slept in. Late. Everyone was up waiting for him to get up before Christmas could officially begin. And he finally did. There were stockings. Then there was bacon. Coffee. Presents. More bacon. And then more presents. It was exhausting, but luckily we had Ethan who wanted to open everyone's presents, especially his own. It became appallingly apparent that he was scanning all of the gift tags for the letter E.

The rest of Christmas day consisted of watching some Rudolph, hanging out and napping. There was a family gathering later in the evening that consisted of yet more presents, more food and a few glasses of wine. The next day we returned to Chicago to have lunch with my dad and step mom. And then spent the rest of weekend relaxing, playing in the snow and hanging out together. It really was the most wonderful time of the year.

hail to thee, it's the grand marquis

2009-12-16T18:12:00.000-08:00

I got a text message from my brother on Monday, reporting that our neighbor growing up had lost his fight with cancer and had passed away. He was our age and we grew up just down the street from one another and had a mutual circle of friends, I aw him a few times in college and he and Seth went to dental school together as well. I had heard that he had gotten sick a few years ago, but never heard a lot of the details. From what I understand he had started to get better but then had become worse the past few months. It is tremendously sad, he was only 35. I think of his parents and how devastating this must be for them, my condolences go out to his family.

What I remember most about him, was that he owned an old wooden paneled old station wagon. Which was very handy when there was a lot of us that needed a ride somewhere. We loved his wagon so much that we started a fan club for his car, I even made membership cards. It is a distant memory but a happy one.

i wish we had cable

2009-12-09T18:51:00.000-08:00

So tonight is the season finale of Top Chef and I am so freaking excited except for one small issue. We don't have cable, so we have to wait to watch it tomorrow. Which basically means that I have to avoid the internets all day tomorrow so that it won't be ruined. The downfall of reality tv is that it will surely be tweeted, facebooked or in the news headlines. Tricky.

This happened just the other week with Project Runway. And it really is a stick in the spokes if you know who wins. Then all the trickery of the interviews and camera shots is lame. And then more often then not, the person you want to win doesn't and knowing it just makes everything worse. Anticipation is replaced with dread and no matter how hard you want the "winner" to lose and your guy win, it never happens.

Season 6 of Top Chef has hands down been my favorite. I don't know whether it has had better personalities or better talent but this season has been vast improvement over the Stefan v. Hosea slap-fight from last season. I will admit that I really liked Jennifer and was disappointed when she had to pack her knives and go. But I think the three that made it most certainly deserve it. I was unsure about the whole brothers thing at the beginning, but I think those Bravo people might've be on to something.

I am rooting for Kevin but I think that Bryan will win.

33 candles

2009-11-24T18:09:00.000-08:00

The other week I celebrated turning 33. We went up to Estes Park, Colorado and spent a laid back weekend with friends in a kick ass rented house, thank you Dobersteins. Where my favorite part was the gigantic fire place where we enjoyed many a roaring fires. Estes Park is famous for the Stanley Hotel which inspired the Shining, which we felt obliged to watch. Creepy, scary and way ahead of it's time. I admit that I am still a little confused by the ending.

A weekend in Colorado wouldn't be a weekend in Colorado if it wasn't for some get out and enjoy some nature fun. Six mile hike? Awesome, let's walk up this mountain until it's difficult to breathe. And that we did. The most impressive award goes to Andrea, who hiked with baby Asher in a Baby Bjorn all the way up and all the way back down. And the wtf award would go to the menfolk with the gps gadget, I can do math and yes, I am still a little miffed.

As for turning another year older, I guess I am fine with it and I came up with this list of 33 Signs that I am indeed Getting Older because:

1. I make lists
2. Grey hairs don't seem as glamorous as they used to
3. Taking a nap is pretty much required
4. Hangovers are less frequent
5. I buy real Q-tips, not the generic ones
6. Flossing is a regular event
7. Tape is no longer my method to hang things.
8. Crate and Barrel seems affordable
9. Age-defying creams have caught my attention
10. I drink more tea and less coffee
11. Liberal use of hand cream
12. Going with the more comfortable shoe doesn't seem so unfashionable anymore
13. Laundry is done before I run out of underwear
14. I don't believe everything I hear or read
15. I read non-fiction
16. I can't remember the last time I wore a thong
17. Shots of liquor seem like a ridiculous idea (most of the time)
18. I own coasters
19. NPR is my radio station of choice
20. Going out clothes don't really exist anymore
21. No coffee drinking after noon because it might keep me up
22. The adult on-set acne seems to have cleared up
23. I use bookmarks
24. I know the names of political pundits
25. Going to Target is a weekly activity
26. Christmas shopping starts in November
27. White wine has become my drink of choice
28. I use Windex regularly
29. I use a heated rice pack when I go to bed (I see this as only equivalent to a hot water bottle)
30. I don't feel the need to drink the entire bottle of wine anymore
31. I have considered writing a book about my life
32. Joining Costco doesn't seem like such a bad idea
33. I am more grateful of the life that I have and more appreciative of the people that are part of it. Happy Thanksgiving.

and we're off...

2009-11-11T19:47:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, B and I are heading out west to Colorado to celebrate my birthday and to spend some quality time with friends. Tonight is the first time that I have actually been able to be excited about the trip, it has been an extremely busy week at work. Which isn't a bad thing, it is just one of those when it rains it pours situations. But after spending the evening packing, I am feeling peppy and ready to go. We had a shopping venture this past weekend to outfit ourselves, and purchased a pair of hiking boots for the both of us, which somehow equates us ready to climb anything, they are waterproof mind you.

Our friends who live out there, have rented a house up in Estes Park, from what I hear is supposed to be beautiful. Originally, it was planned that Mandy and Aimee were supposed to go with their significant others but that plan never quite panned out. It is disappointing because it seems that whenever the four of us get together, there is always talk of the next time we can gather. It is unfortunate and they will be missed.

It seems as though the more birthdays that pass, the less enthusiastic I am about them. I can remember counting down the days till the month long celebration would begin. Maybe it is maturity, maybe it is the fact that I can't stand up without something cracking or popping. But on a isn't my son cute note, last night B picked Ethan up from school and they went to Target so that Ethan could "buy" me a present. B asked Ethan what he wanted to get me for my birthday, to which he enthusiastically responded "coffee," which in itself is hilarious and full of irony. So this morning Ethan excitedly opened both the present and card himself and presented me with a bag of coffee and Diego card with a 3 on it, which B pointed out was fairly close if you just added another 3 to it. And apparently, I also wanted an elephant toy as well, which Ethan was more then happy to keep for himself.

Other then that, I forgot to blog about Halloween, but it was super a lot of fun, Ethan and his friend Jonathan trick or treated for the total of four blocks before tiring out and demanding treats and to go home. Ethan was a very cute Spiderman, muscles and all.

And on a totally separate note, we watched the season finale of Mad Men and it was profoundly awesome. I am only sad that now we have to wait a painfully long time till the next season. In the meantime, we are winding down with Top Chef and Project Runway, and once those are over perhaps I will actually re-start the design of my website and/or paint/read/write more...or maybe we will just find something new to watch.

give me a "P"

2009-11-09T18:03:00.000-08:00

Give me an M. Give me an S. What's that spell? A very grumpy panda.

I admit that my monthly hormonal cycle is touch and go. Some months are easier then others. This one was not. Luckily for me, I have a very understanding boyfriend that gives me gentle reminders that there may be a reason for my volatile mood swings and my craving for red meat and ice cream. Check and check. I seem to forget from month to month that there is a strong possibility that yes, I will become overly sensitive, probably cry a few times and become overly frustrated that my clothes seem to have gotten smaller. It seems to come out of the blue and I am fairly surprised every time. I don't know if it me being daft or living in denial.

This happens to 50% of the population, how have we not cured this yet? Isn't there some vaccination for this, if we have conquered the chicken pox, the measles and polio, how have scientist overlooked this? Maybe we need to raise awareness and have a walk or something.

Whatever this is, I apologize to all friends, co-workers and people I live with for being less then pleasant. I am sure that it will blow over soon and I will be back to my normal self.

smash and grab

2009-10-28T16:37:00.000-07:00

Mac Book Pro = $2000
Timbuk2 Laptop Bag = $60
Logitech Mouse = $30
Book = $15
Various notebooks = $10
The pleasure of working with the Chicago Police Department = priceless

Last Thursday, I met up with my friend after a busy end of day at work, I will admit that I was late, slightly frazzled and annoyed with the rain. I found parking around the corner from the where we were meeting and dashed in immediately. Now, I had my laptop with me, and on the rare occasion I go somewhere other then home after work, I put it in the trunk, seriously every time. Well, except this time, I left it in the car and is always the case, hindsight is a bitch. I knew it was dumb and it had crossed my mind several times to return to the car, but laziness prevailed.

Upon returning to the car, I unlocked my door and heard my friend utter "um, Amber...," which in my experience with things, never ends well. And without fail, I went around to her side to see the window completely smashed out and the laptop gone. I think I might have gone into shock. I guess it still surprises me that a person would break a window before dark, in a busy neighborhood to steal something and gets away with it. I just really hope that kharma comes around in a way that can only be seen in a Saw movie.

Anway, I called the police not once but twice. The first time, I am pretty sure the guy hung up on me, from what seemed like a mix of boredom and indifference but left me with the impression that he was in fact going to dispatch someone my way. No one ever showed, so I called back, and said that I reported it and I was afraid that I had given the wrong cross streets. To which this woman told me that I had to report to a police station and the next ten minutes were hands down, the most frustrating and aggravating that I have ever experienced. After a whole lot of wimpering and explaining, she grudgingly wrote up a report. And upon asking what was stolen, I said a computer and she asked what kind of computer and I said a Mac, and then she asked how to spell it...enough said.

The aftermath that ensued was unexpected. The next day, as I was moping in a puddle of self pity my boss called to tell me that she was picking me up. I was car-less, due to the window being fixed. She arrived and we went straight to the Apple store, where I picked out a lovely new iMac for work and 20 minutes later the computer was in the trunk. She then informs me that we will drop the computer off at work, and then she was taking me to a spa and I could get whatever I wanted, her treat. One facial later, she took me out for drinks and dinner. Seriously, how amazing is my boss?

As for the laptop, B is optimistic that it will be covered by insurance. Luckily, my work files were backed up that very day, I had only lost a few hours worth. I am most sad that I lost a good chunk of photos and it really is a kick in the pants that I lost my entire design portfolio, including my web site design. I realize that something worse could have happen, but I have kicked myself repeatedly for knowing better and doing something so careless.

In a closing note, Ethan commented that the car seemed very clean. To which I explained what had happend and that when we got the window fixed, they vacuumed the car out. Ethan took it all in and responded that we should go to their house and tell him "No thank you." I couldn't have said it better myself.

the night max wore his wolf suit...

2009-10-20T19:07:00.000-07:00

Last night B and I went to see Where the Wild Things Are and it was truly spectacular. It is rare that I see a movie based on a book and actually like it more then the book itself. I thought the genius of it was that it filled out the story seamlessly and it kept the same beautiful sense of magic and imagination that the book has. Granted we read this book at least once a week, so I pretty much know it by heart, but it was still fun to see the story unfold and hear all of the lines from the book sprinkled in.

I have read that it has taken 5 years for this movie to be made and can understand why. The overall creative vision was so thoughtful and well crafted and the writing was touching, funny and smart. And the boy that played Max was incredible. The music by Karen O filled out the landscape of the movie, in a surprisingly complementary way.

I think that in less capable hands this movie would have been more along the lines of a kids movie and much less engaging for adults. It surprised me just how adult the story line was and how much melancholy and alienation really played into it. I am sure that having a child, certainly affected my emotions and how I saw the movie but I am certain that I was not the only one who cried, there was much sniffling going on, but there was also a lot of awe and laughter as well. I guess that it is safe to say that I haven't seen a movie that I liked this much in a long time.

many a birthdays

2009-10-13T19:06:00.001-07:00

This past week, there has been a whole lot of birthday celebrating. We celebrated my good friend Kelly's birthday by meeting for dinner at her favorite (and most mediocre) mexican restaurant in Chicago. We frequent this place more then is merited, but for all the sub par food there is a sub par margarita that makes things a little better. I can't argue with how conveniently located it is either and rarely is there another person in there, so our boys pretty much have the lay of the land.

It was also my brother Justin's birthday, which is celebrated by a phone call of birthday wishes and a present that usually rivals holiday packages in it's arrival. I am sorry I am not more punctual.

Friday, we went out for our good friend Nathan's birthday. We had dinner at the May Street Market, which we have bee meaning to go to for some time. We went with the prix fixe menu and enjoyed three courses of deliciousness. After that there was some hanging out and eventually made it out to a bar with my favorite game, shuffle board! It reminds me of Michigan, though I have found them to be quite scarce around these parts.

The rest of the weekend we spent sans Ethan, recovering from a late night out and then the following day, went to celebrate, yes that's right, more birthdays. B's granny and papa share the same birthday and his aunt bean's is within the same week as well.

Happy Birthday to all the October birthdays!

rain delay

2009-10-06T18:36:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we took a trip out to the pumpkin patch for some good old family fun. We had seen earlier reports of rain but somehow in my mind if it wasn't due until the afternoon, we could certainly still go with hopes of beating the raindrops. Unfortunately nature won the race, and we were met with some misting rain when we got there. We hung out for about an hour and went to the petting zoo, then Ethan rolled some pumpkins and we had some lunch. After that, Ethan was desperate to see him some pig races, so we went and as luck would have it, the downpour began just as the races had. Just when we thought it couldn't get any worse, we took cover under the roof of the "turkey shack," where stuffed animal turkeys were doing the can-can to a rousing techno beat, which after hearing a few times, we decided it would be best to make a run for it. We returned home, wet and defeated.

The rest of the weekend, we didn't do a whole lot and it was kind of nice. We ran the usual errands and felt abnormally productive. I have been back on my cooking kick, and we have been planning a week worth of meals, making grocery lists and following through. It feels so strangely adult, like I will soon be starching my sheets and lining the kitchen drawers. But I will admit, I love the fact that we have family dinners every night and am happy to feed my son things outside the realm of hotdogs and pasta.

We have been passing a lot time by watching Mad Men. We are finally in the home stretch of being caught up, I wouldn't want to know how many hours of our lives we have dedicated to watching this show over the past few weeks. But in short, this show is amazing, and if you haven't watched it, you should, and if you have, we should talk. And on that note, I must go, so we can watch yet another one before bed time.

i do's

2009-09-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, my very good friend Miranda got married. It was a busy, busy weekend. Friday was the rehearsal and dinner. Not much to it, you walk here and stop, they get married, and then you walk over here and then out. Can do. Dinner followed at Maya Del Sol, where the food was fancy mexican and pretty delicious. A big thanks to Mrs. Konkol for hosting such a lovely dinner.

Saturday morning we were held captive at the hair salon and force fed goat cheese and bacon quiche and were made to drink pom-mosas (pomegranate juice and champagne). It was rough. The came a lot of bobby pins and hairspray. I'm pretty sure I haven't used hairspray since curling my bangs under and over in high school, which contrary to popular belief, looked awesome. Anyway, we were then whisked off to the hotel in a sweet Cadillac limo, where we then scampered into our dresses and panty hose, yes panty hose, which also haven't been worn since high school. Though, I must say there is something to be said for control top when you get past a certain age.

The bride looked nothing less then stunning. Truly the happiest that I have ever seen her. The dress was beautiful and fit perfectly. And the ceremony went without a hitch. Multiple photo sessions ensued. And then it was time to celebrate with a whole lot of drinking, eating and dancing. The reception site was gorgeous and the music was not your standard wedding fare. There was also a photobooth, which was genius. And as the night wound down and the Jameson bottle emptied itself, we toasted the bride and groom and wished them well.

I have known the bride for almost a decade now and knew that when she started talking about Andy, that this was it. They are one of those couples that are ridiculously well matched for one another and the love and bond between them is clear. To Mirandy, thanks for including us this weekend, we had a blast.

the weakerthans

2009-09-28T16:46:00.000-07:00

On Friday, B and I went to see the Weakerthans at the Bottom Lounge and they were incredible, sometimes you get lucky enough to go to a show that is just about flawless and this was one of them. They are an indie rock band from Canada, that B introduced me to last year. They don't seem to have a lot of name recognition here but I have a feeling that is about to change. The crowd was enthusiastic and it was a sold out room.

The lead singer, John Samson, writes witty and interesting lyrics. For example, he writes songs from the perspective of his cat, its good stuff. You should check it out.

apple pickin'

2009-09-24T14:29:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, a co-worker inquired if I liked being a mom, to which I didn't have an immediate answer. Becoming a mom has been to date, my greatest achievement and undertaking. Spending time with Ethan and watching him grow from tiny infant to the crazed 3 1/2 year old that he is now, has been nothing short of amazing. I hear that these feelings continue to grow. And for now I am enjoying the fact that he still cute and small and fits in my lap and that I am still the go to person in his life.

Ethan's personality continues to develop. I can't help but to see so much of myself in him both physically and in his need to have things in a particular way. His new school is much further away from his old one, and so there is a lot more time for chatting. He went on for quite sometime the other day, about the advantages of having a garage, and why we should get one. Upon reaching home, he pointed to our neighbor's garage and said "Look mommy, they have a garage, I want to go look at theirs." Curious.

Last weekend we headed out to the suburbs to do some apple picking. Sometimes a perk to having children is that you get to go do activities that would have seemed nearly impossible when you are single and have a crippling hangover. One point, child. I have never been apple picking before, well I take that back, I have never had to pay to go pick a bag of apples, but more on that in a sec. Where I grew up in Michigan, we had a bunch of apple trees, and every Fall it was a huge chore to pick the good apples and to discard of the bad ones. Which required hours of wretched physical labor followed by the whole arduous process of making applesauce.

So, yes, to the orchard we went to voluntarily go and pick the apples, while paying a small fortune to do so. But it was fun to watch B and Ethan run around, and B's parents joined us, so it was nice to catch up with them. It was also a bonus, that there were fresh donuts and a small petting zoo.

Next up, the pumpkin patch.

the bachelorette

2009-09-15T19:48:00.000-07:00

This weekend I celebrated the final rite of passage for any blushing bride, the bachelorette party. My good friend M is getting married in a week and a half and like any friend would do, we threw her a party to try to get her as drunk and stupid as humanely possible. As luck would have it, she got a cold the day before and was not happy, but she announced that the show must go on and we did as we were told.

We met up at her friend's house for a cocktail hour and snacks and some pg-13 rated games and gifts. We then headed out to Cleo's, her favorite beer garden down the street and had some drinks. And then headed over to the six corners to hit up some bars for some dancing.

As luck would have it, the first bar we went to, Crocodile had an entire basement to dance in, it was a stark and concrete with a few tables and a bar, complete with only dance music from the early 90's. At one point "Ghetto Superstar" came on, as did a rush of memories of dancing at Rick's in Ann Arbor, begging the DJ to play it, because up until that time, no song had ever resonated with a bunch of suburban white girls quite like that one did. Man alive did that make me feel old, I mean that was over ten years ago. Ugh, does that make me one of those women that is past her prime with her bra strap hanging out of too tight of clothes talking about the olden days? Possibly. But one shot later, I felt better.

I stayed out till 2:30 am, which to my internal clock is equivalent to pulling an all nighter. But all and all, it was a fun night; I think the bachelorette had a fine time, we didn't have to pay cover anywhere, and I didn't get drunk (which was definitely a bonus the next day). I think her cold may have been a blessing in disguise, because I was worried all week as to how hungover I was going to be. But I suppose, I shouldn't get too ahead of myself, the wedding is next weekend and there is rumor of free booze, so I shouldn't start the back pats quite yet.

second annual family vacation

2009-09-09T18:52:00.000-07:00

This past weekend we traveled to a far away place called, Lake Chautauqua, NY for the second annual family vacation. My brother and sister in law are proud part-owners of a single wide trailer out there. It's not quite as white trash as it may sound, just slightly rustic with a religious twist. It is perched next to a Lutheran day camp, where we stayed in the Retreat Center, which wasn't as bad as we feared but nothing more then a room with a bed and bathroom.

We arrived on Friday, after spending a night in Michigan to break up the drive and to have a quick visit with Mandy and Frank and their boys. It was nice to see them and Ethan was equally excited to hang out with Owen and have our traditional donuts together. The rest of the day was spent driving through Ohio and Pennsylvania and we finally got to our destination late in the afternoon.

All in all a good vacation. B and my oldest brother and his wife and family finally met and seemed to get on well. Emerson seemed to take a shine to him, I think it must be the beard, or maybe that's just me.

Highlights of the trip:
1. Having our own bathroom and shower
2. Trip to Midway State Park (sort of like a mini-Kiddieland)
3. Campfires every night and s'mores
4. All the kids playing together (except for Thoren, who was sleeping for most of it)
5. The Amish doughnuts
6. Cooler full of beer
7. Seeing familiar faces

Next year, is my year to plan our destination and I have yet to figure out where to go. Open to any suggestions, preferably in the midwest or slightly east.

labor day

2009-09-03T08:26:00.001-07:00

Tonight we are driving to Michigan for the night and then off to NY tomorrow for our second annual family vacation. Pretty exciting stuff. The car is packed to capacity and I am afraid to move anything for fear that it may all esplode. Here's hoping that breaking up the drive into two days will calm the wild beast that is my son.

Looking forward to seeing my mom, brothers and sister in laws and especially my niece and nephews. I have yet to meet my brother's newest addition, and can't wait to hold him. Now that Ethan is a full blown little man, I kind of miss the whole baby phase. But judging from his cries that I hear over the phone, I am sure that I won't be nostalgic for too long.

In other baby news, Andrea gave birth to a beautiful red-headed boy on Monday. Welcome Asher Ramon Doberstein. I can't wait to meet you.

That's all I got. I am hoping for sunny days, no accidents, a nap or two (this is for both Ethan and mommy) and some good old fashioned bonding.

hello september

2009-09-01T13:21:00.000-07:00

Last night, the temperature dipped down to 49 degrees. And to this I ask mother nature, wtf? Here in Chicago, we have experienced a fairly cool summer and I am fearful that it will now snow by the end of the month. I find this depressing and told B this morning that I am ready to move. Our grand plan is to figure out where we want to be in two years from now, which means we either choose where we want to move, get jobs and save up money or accept the challenges of living here and quit complaining.

Pro's of living in Chicago:
1. Familiarity. I have been here 7 years now, and though I don't know the grid by numbers, I do know my fair share of shortcuts and my way around
2. Summer in the city = beer on patios
3. Good market for design and creative endeavors
4. Found a good school for Ethan
5. Close to family
6. BYOB restaurants: probably one of the greatest concepts ever
7. Lakefront, skyline and downtown shopping
8. Music scene: lots of good places to see good music
9. Multi-cultural: it's nice not being the only person of different race in a room

Con's of living in Chicago:
1. 6 months of frigid temperatures
2. The hipsters are starting to make me feel old
3. Said good school for Ethan still costs money,
still believe in concept of good and free public schooling
4. Traffic
5. Cubs fans and the surrounding Wrigleyville area
6. Trash cyclones
7. Higher cost of living
8. Deep dish pizza: over-rated and puts us on all the unhealthiest city lists
9. High cost of real estate: 1,000 square feet should not cost $300,000

So far, it looks like a draw and for now we content living here. There is talk of Denver or the west coast. It would be nice to live in a less crowded and greener space. I daydream about opening a bakery wherever we land and leaving the land of design and marketing behind. But for now, we have jobs we both really like and a nice apartment and are happy. I just want it to stay warmer a little bit longer and not have to bust out my winter clothes just yet.

catching up

2009-08-28T11:08:00.000-07:00

I have been very bad about blogging, this has probably only been noticed by about five people, but it is for you that I write this.

Yesterday at work, we had a presentation by one of my co-workers about social networking, and she told us that in order to be successful with social networking, you must be consistent, this would include blogging, facebooking, twittering...all of which I do, but on a very sporadic basis. I don't know why I am not better about it, I think I lack enthusiasm for it and not too many people I know are super into any of it. I sometimes think it is an age thing, people my age are right between the super social networkers and those that maybe only have an email account. That said, I do enjoy the social networking and maybe I will try to be more active.

Anyway, here is all that's been happening as of late:

1. Went to Cincinnati: for a weekend trip to visit one of B's old friends. It was nice to get out of the city and Cincinnati was surprisingly pretty. Both of us liked how lush and hilly it was. The highlights of the trip include Skyline Chili, where everything on the menu includes chili and cheese and the other was visiting the pastry chef girlfriend and getting a crapload of free and delicious desserts.

2. Ethan got into the Montessori here in the city, which is exciting and but also a little daunting. I don't know how well Ethan's rambuctious personality is going to fit in, they ask that children be quiet when entering a classroom and not interrupt the play of others...it really said this. But we will give the ole preschool try, he starts next Tuesday, and part of me cannot believe he is already starting pre-school.

3. B's band has been playing a lot of shows around town. They are only getting better and they even play tomorrow night at the U.S. Beer Co., not the greatest venue but at least they finally got a Saturday show. (Check them out at myspace.com/thevangoghs)

4. Work is continuing to go well, if you happen to have a lot of time on your hands, I write for the blog there as well, on all things design related. Read it: blog.bluedaring.com

That's it for now. Have a super weekend.

the thing about art

2009-08-17T14:29:00.001-07:00

This past weekend we took a little field trip to the new Modern Wing at the Art Institute. Originally, it was going to be just me and another friend, but then I cajoled B into going because my thought was, who doesn't love art? And the resounding answer was, not my boyfriend. Which I will admit was disappointing and a little puzzling.

A long discussion and minor argument ensued. B complained that he didn't really like the work that much and said the classic line "anyone could do that." This statement angers me beyond words because, yes, anyone could go out and buy paint, but the chances of it looking even remotely good is slim to none. It is harder then it looks, trust me. Artists are talented and creative people who concept an idea, have a point of view and if all goes well, execute it well. Being innovative and thoughtful with conceptual ideas and becoming technically good at your work, takes a crapload of time and energy.

This said, I know that different types of art moves people differently. I am a huge fan of modern art, especially painting and portraits. I know that others are less keen on the modern art flavor, and to this, to each their own. Sometimes art museum don't ring true to some, which is understandable when there is a certain expectation that because the pieces are priceless, the experience of looking at them should be nothing less then mind blowing. It would be impossible with the size of the Art Institute to be dazzled by ever piece.

Another point of argument that we had was that he didn't care what the artist was expressing. Which lead to a discussion about visual art being similar to music, which he got all huffy about. I think it was one of those things, when you are arguing about a word that has different connotations, but still continue to argue even though you are sort of agreeing. We do this a lot. And at the end of the day, I think we both agree that both art and music are similar in that we like what we like and we agree to disagree on what we don't like. I mean, if a Protest the Hero song pops up on B's ipod in the car, I have what I can only imagine him to feel at an art museum, a feeling that I kind of want to gouge my eyes out.

kiddieland

2009-08-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

Nothing screams fun quite like this sign does. I am sure that most people have heard by now, that this is Kiddielands' last season, so I felt obliged to go, as any parent in a 20 mile radius does. Only so that we can say "Oh look, we took you there and now it's gone, aren't you lucky you got to go?"

Kiddieland was pretty much all that I expected but with longer lines and way more people. Ethan seemed to have a good time, though I think he is still a bit on the small end of things. He announced that the pirate ship was too scary and his favorite was the flying elephant, which was ride #2, we peaked early.

If that wasn't enough fun for a weekend, we went to the Brookfield zoo the next day. My dad was brave enough to meet us up for both of these adventures. The zoo is probably Ethan's most favorite place in the world. And he was a excited and chatty the whole time. Unfortunately, the weather was less the favorable and we ended the day early.

good news

2009-07-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

Lots of good news for us as of late. First off, B got a new job with a fancy, big time agency and I have never seen him happier, professionally speaking. It is currently a contract job for a month but he is hopeful that it will turn into full time work. So, keep your fingers crossed. As for me, I had my 120-day review and it went better then I could have ever expected, she is pleased with my performance and thinks I do great work. I also got a raise, with another one promised in a few months and will be salaried by the new year. It's pretty awesome for both of us to be gainfully employed and actually liking our jobs, the past few months have been pretty rough on both of us.

This past weekend, we went and saw the Wrens at Schuba's. I had seen them once before and they were amazing. And this time, I think my expectations may have been a little bit too high. They were still very good but I was not a huge fan of them bringing people from the crowd up on stage to play the keyboard or tap some drumsticks. That said, the Wrens do seem to have a bit of cult-like following, and it was quite clear that those that got brought on stage were pretty happy about it. But I will still argue that it was a little awkward and I would have preferred them to do what they do best, rock the house and make me never want the show to end.

On Saturday, we went to yet another wedding, we have had three this summer and this was thankfully the last one. Not to say that they haven't all been beautiful and I have enjoyed myself at each one. But I am glad that we are done for awhile.

Sunday was a beautiful sunny day and we had the whole day to just ourselves. It was nice, it has been a really long time since we could spend the whole day together. We walked over and had the most delicious brunch at Lula Cafe and then went downtown and walked around for a few hours, it was a nice way to spend the day in the city.

the bun and the oven

2009-07-20T19:22:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I went out to see Andi in Denver, to shower her and her baby with presents and love and a few belly rubs. Friday morning, she had to work a half day, so I took full advantage of their overwhelming amount of cable channels. I was disappointed by the Direct TV menu I found it to not be very user friendly nor intuitive, and I am rather fluent at working with such things. Not to worry, Andi's mom came to my rescue and I lounged and channel surfed for a good two hours, it was glorious. Later that afternoon we lunched and shopped, our two favorite activities.

That evening all of the men connected to any of the women attending the shower went for a night of camping and a day of hiking. Which left a small group of ladies to enjoy some wine and dinner together outside on a beautiful night. It was nice to talk to and put faces to many of the people I always hear about.

The next day, was the day of the shower. It was yet another sunny day without a cloud in the sky. Denver heat is so different from Chicago heat because it is so dry out there, so a day in the 90's still feels pleasant. The shower was lovely, drinks and appetizers outside and a nice lunch and presents inside. The layout of the table and room was great, because we were all able to easily converse.

I am not a fan of showers in general, but this was one of the best:
1. alcohol was served
2. appetizers included deviled eggs and crab cakes
3. choice of three desserts
4. wasn't too big, wasn't too small
5. just about everyone had already met
6. nimble present opening

Unfortunately after the shower, I started to feel a little queasy and had a dull headache. I had been feeling run down all week and it was starting to catch up with me, it didn't help that Ethan had been sick the week before either. After taking some medication and sleeping for a good 10 hours, I was feeling better but not great.

Sunday, we spent at the Denver Art Museum, which was one of the most impressive museums that I have ever visited both inside and out. It ended the trip on a high note and I was sad to say goodbye to my friends but happy to be on a plane back to the lowly altitudes of the midwest. I missed both of my men and my bed.

happiness is...

2009-07-13T18:23:00.000-07:00

Last month, I watched Stefan Sagmeister share his thoughts on happiness. I admire him greatly as a designer, and thoroughly enjoyed his talk, if you happen to have 15 minutes to spare, watch it, it is so funny and allows you to reflect on your own feelings of happiness.

I have compiled a short list of times in my life when I can remember being truly happy:
1990-1994: my three best friends in highschool (rowing and band)
1996: living in ann arbor
1997: switching my major from pre-med to art
1998: travelling across the country
1999: senior portfolio show
1999: going to paris for the summer
2000: getting my first design job
2002: moving to Chicago
2003: getting my first apartment
2006: having Ethan
2008-present: taking a huge leap of faith and taking a year to re-build my life

There are countless memories that make me smile and I am forever grateful to the small group of friends and family who have loved me unconditionally throughout the years. It is a tough thing to come by, I feel like the older I get, the less chances there are of finding like minded people to engage and build a relationship with. Not to say that it doesn't happen, but the opportunities become less frequent as does the time and energy it takes to maintain them.

That said, the relationship that I am in now, only gets better. We have our ups and our downs but seem to have reached a comfortable state of good. I don't always know why, but B loves me completely and is dedicated to the life that we share together. And it is one of those things that sometimes vexes me but at the same time makes me incredibly happy. And in the grand scheme of things, it is what matters most.

Two Ethanisms (things pertaining to and are anecdotal of my very adorable three year old son):
1. The other week, upon being asked how many languages he spoke, Ethan gleefully responded uno.
2. When we returned from a late night of fireworks, I put Ethan down in his bed. Unbeknowst to me, I left my purse in his room by his bed. Upon awaking the next morning, Ethan was suspiciously late to come in. And when he finally made his appearance, he was covered in streaks of lipstick. On his bed, were the entire contents of my purse with every lipstick and chapstick open and smeared liberally on his wall, with remnants on his bathroom towel (evidently, there was an attempt to clean it off his face). Endearing but with a cautionary warning, that if they are quiet for too long, they are probably up to something.

fireworks

2009-07-08T18:14:00.000-07:00

This past weekend, we celebrated our nation's birthday with many trips to see lots of family. Friday, everyone had the day off and we went and had lunch with my dad and stepmom at Russell's. It is only about a mile from my grandma's old house and I am pretty sure that we had frequented it alot growing up. The original plan was to have lunch and then go to Kiddieland, which was right around the corner. Our plans were changed after we saw the mile long line to get in. We declined and took a raincheck for later in the month.

We then ventured to B's family's chicken store, which I have heard so much about and pretty much had the place conjured up to be like the Corn Palace (but shaped like a chicken). It was not anything like it, but it was nonetheless good to finally be able to go. We then hopped back in the car and went to see nana and papa and had a nice afternoon splashing in the pool and grilling out.

The next day, was the 4th of July, and we went to go see B's granny and papa. Unfortunately, it rained all afternoon and we were relegated to the garage but it was still a plesant way to pass the day and it finally cleared up. B's cousins are both freakishly coordinated and into extreme sports and such and once the weather cleared up, pulled out their skateboards, Ethan took a ride on one (with me holding both hands) and I handed him off to B, and I think it took maybe 2 seconds before he completed face planted off and scrapped the hell out of his face and chin. Everyone fell silent and looked away sheepishly. Luckily, Ethan's love for bandaids transcended any actual feeling of discomfort or pain.

Once night fell, we headed over to watch the fireworks at the nearby golf course. It was Ethan's first exposure to fireworks and we all oohhed and ahhed. It was a wonderful night.

slippery slope

2009-06-26T09:11:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, Ethan and I traveled to Michigan for a visit with family and friends. Friday, we arrived at my brother's to visit with him and his son, Emery. Parallel play has finally ended, and they acknowledged each other by name and Ethan tried really hard to sort of, kind of share. Luckily, Emery is laid back and is more then willing to give you a toy, while Ethan is much more territorial.

Saturday, we went to visit Uncle Seth at his dental practice for a cleaning that I have procrastinated on getting, for an impressive amount of time. My hygienist was not as impressed nor pleased, and sprayed me liberally with topical numb-er as she went to town on my mouth with a zeal that I can't help but think was a bit aggressive. I was reprimanded and reminded that I should try to get in a bit more frequently and that two years was pushing it, especially when there are two dentists in the family.

Saturday afternoon, we drove to see Ethan's other bff Owen. It was pretty hot that day, and Uncle Frank rigged up the slip and slide so that it butted up to a toy car ramp on their sloping backyard. Never fear, neither child actually got the gusto up to go down it, Owen got off the car soon after this photo was taken. It was not quite the death trap that it may have appeared to be, so no need to call child services.

They spent a good hour running around and sliding down. Ethan did the full blown slide on his belly several times, cute and endering would be an understatement. It was a nice day, followed by an evening with a few bottles of wine and a chat on the back porch with my old friend.

a boy named sue

2009-06-22T19:05:00.000-07:00

Happy father's day to my daddy-o and all the other proud papa's out there. I have liked writing this blog, partly because I know my dad reads it and it makes me feel like it is a way for him to keep up with me and his favorite grandson. One point, technology.

In other fatherly news, my brother announced the birth of his second child, a little boy, whose name is still yet to be determined. I was able to catch up with him and got to hear all the gorey details of the birth story. I am happy to report that the everything went pretty well and that mother and baby are doing well.

gone fishin'

2009-06-16T19:00:00.001-07:00

It is now down to myself, two cats, a sleeping little boy and a glass of wine. Not a terrible roster for a Tuesday night. The only thing missing is B, who left tonight to go do some serious male bonding with the men in his family (father, uncle, two cousins and a grandpa), way up in Canada for a week; of what I understand to be fishing, eating, drinking, and jumping in a lake to wash off. This rigorous itinerary is to be repeated daily. To be fair, I am sure that B would be much more excited if beef was being dehydrated instead of fish being filleted, but then he may never come home.

His absence is already felt. I sit here and can't help but to notice how eerily quiet it is, just the traffic on the highway going by. No throat clearing, or video game noises, no hand drumming or burps, yelps or phlegm being emitted. And I hate to admit, it is a little unsettling.

I have known about this trip for months and I know that B has been looking forward to it with nervous excitement because like all things it could go either way. But my bets are on a enjoyable week spent getting to know his family better and recharging by having some time away.

As for me, my plans are to hopefully paint a little, finish my book, see some friendly faces and enjoy the time I have to do things, that I never quite get around to doing. Relationships have a habit of taking you away from things that you enjoy, by no means completely or in a bad way, but in a different way. I certainly enjoy nothing more then our time together, spent alone or with Ethan. But dependency is a tricky thing, and something that is always a work in progress. Hopefully this week will be remind us both, to appreciate what we have and to remember who we are.

great white north

2009-06-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

This past weekend B and I ventured up to St. Paul, Minnesota, for a visit with my three closest girlfriends and their significant others. We all fit under one roof, compliments of a new beautiful house bought last year by Aimee and Ryan. The sod was truly an amazing sight...

We arrived Friday evening after an uneventful drive up. It was just like driving through Michigan but with a few bluffs thrown into the mix. We listened to some audio books, napped and I counted the minutes until we would get there.

We arrived and I am not sure I waited for the car came to a stop, before I leapt out to say hello. We got a tour of the house and a lengthy explanation as to what a feat the backyard was, and soon settled in for some drinks and burgers and Mandy's famous bean salad. After dinner, the ladies went and split a bottle of wine and caught up on all things female, while the men fondled bottles of alcohol and did some male bonding of sorts. We were still missing one puzzle piece, who arrived ready, willing and very able, Frank the Tank. And soon the party came together as did the beer and glasses of whiskey. I recall a short lived dance party and awoke the next morning with my contacts still in and all of my clothes still on, not knowing where I was. A surefire sign of a good night, but a not so fun day ahead.

Later on into the morning, we were treated to some delicious egg bake and after coordinating shower times, set off, the girls went shopping and the men folk went to the race tracks. We went and had some amazing pizza for lunch, went into a few shops and capped it off with a cup of coffee. I think we all sat there not wanting the time to end, enjoying each others company; such a wonderful and rare time that the four of us are all together, sans our men (and our little men).

We met up later with the our other halves and hung out and ordered some dinner. There was some hockey game on, which I found difficult to watch because my eyes kept closing. But later on we watched some comedy and the night sort of petered out, as did we.

The next morning, we awoke, refreshed and without hangover. We all agreed, that it was sort of an odd sensation, our breakfast banter was much more lively and the food didn't involve copious amounts of bacon. The afternoon was spent walking at a fairly fast clip and no one complained of headaches or severe dehydration. It was a new improved us. Maybe we are getting older and a little wiser, or maybe we will just make up for it next time. Stay tuned.

progress report

2009-05-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

Last week, I had my 30 day review. This was all of 10 minutes long, and I had positive feedback from my boss that in the past 30 days my performance has been above average. I thought it was kind of nice that she formally told me that I was doing a good job. I admire her professionalism, her ability to cut through the bullshit and the fact that she does her job really well. It has been such a great change for me, sometimes you don't realize how toxic an environment is until you are somewhere new. I feel like this job is going to give me the space to spread my wings as a designer and be inspired and motivated to continue to do better work.

In other news, Ethan is doing well. According to his doctor he is in the 50th percentile for his weight and height and in 90th for his gigantic head. A mother can only hope that it is proportional to his massive brain capacity. He is almost completely potty trained, but I think it is going to be awhile before we brave no diapers at night, laziness may prevail.

There has been an epidemic of bad behavior in Ethan's class, most recently biting and hitting. I believe that this is due to the disproportionate amount of boys in the class, who all fail miserably at sharing. So now every day before and after school, our mantra has become "No hitting, no biting, no pushing." Yesterday, while driving home from school, Ethan and I were re-capping his day, when he stated "I'm not a biter mommy, I'm a pusher," which made me guffaw, chuckle, and cringe.

Other than that, 95% of the time Ethan is a joy to be with and if I had a choice I would like him to stay this age forever. His vocabulary is continuing to grow, and we are putting efforts into having him politely ask for something instead of just demanding and whinning. He can also remove all of his clothes and put on a new random assortment of clothing. This does pain me and I wish that I was brave enough to let him go to school in dinosaur jammie bottoms and his Superman top, but I do confess that I am weak and change him into perdestrian cargo pants and t-shirt uniform. His athletic prowess seems to be improving as well, he is doing amazingly well at the park, conquering territory that he never explored last year. I am not quite sure where he gets all of his coordination, but am thankful nonetheless.

The last major point is, of course, the love life. And things right now, just hit a bit of a bump. It was sort of like a Chicago pot hole, you see it too late and it can cause some damage. We haven't hit one of these in awhile and this one in particular was jarring, but we have since talked and are hopefully better and more aware because of it. Relationships are tricky, I have yet to master the art of remaining in love while keeping a sense of self intact; I also bring to the picture a rather rambunctious three year old. But I am lucky to have such a strong partner who will guide me through the peaks and valleys and encourage me to still be myself, however challenging and harrowing that may be for him.

Right now, my life is just about as perfectly balanced as it can get (good job, good boy, good boyfriend). I finally feel the burdens and stress of last year lifting off my shoulders and hope that I now have the a bit more wisdom to keep from any future mistakes.

better safe then sorry

2009-05-26T17:44:00.001-07:00

I have been noticing a trend here in Chicago as of late, and I do not like it. People on their cell phones while they are driving, today alone I saw over a dozen drivers on their phones. A few years back, the city required that you get a hands free device for you cell phone when driving. I think this was a rather effective law, partly because it was enforced. I feared getting a ticket and grudgingly got a hands free, but let's be honest, it is distracting to hold a phone and drive.

And now I see people texting while they drive, and it makes me crazy. Can we not get the law passed already outlawing this practice, or does there have to be some horrible accident that speeds this process along? I realize that people are busy, but to text and drive is dangerous and stupid. If you need to text that badly, pull over into a parking lot, do not endanger the lives of your fellow drivers, scooters and bikers.

Chicago traffic is awful enough as is, so please put the phones down and focus at the task at hand.

my favorite holiday

2009-05-18T06:11:00.000-07:00

Now that I am older and with child, the greatest day of the year is no longer my birthday but Mother's Day. First of all, everyone remembers this holiday and is usually generous with the hugs and lots of positive reinforcement that you are doing a great job. It is a bonus if your child is as cute as Ethan as well (sans the huge bruise on his head).

This year's holiday was an especially busy one. On Friday, Ethan stayed home with me and we hung out during the morning. In the afternoon, we met up with my brother and his son Emery and my mom, who drove in from Michigan, at the Lincoln Park Zoo. The zoo is Ethan's favorite place to be, he has an avid interest in animals that has remained constant.

Later on in the evening, my brother and I took my mom out to dinner at Cafe Babareeba for tapas. B and I introduced them to bacon wrapped dates, which are a slippery slope of goodness.

The next day, my dad and stepmom came over and we had some pizza for lunch and they got to spend time with 2/3 of their grandchildren. Naptime descended upon the group and we all went our separate ways. That evening, we went to my aunt and uncle's and ate even more pizza and celebrated my grandma's 88th birthday. She told me that she only had five years left in her, which I later learned, she also said at 75. There was also reason for celebration, when my cousin and his wife announced that they were pregnant.

Later that evening, we met up with friends to go see Thao at the Empty Bottle. It was a pretty good show, though we both agreed that late shows are no longer fun when your internal clock is set to life with child.

The next morning I was woken up by a text from my brother saying that Ethan was looking for me. He had spent the previous night with my brother and mom. We went up and picked him up, and wished my mom a happy mother's day. We came back to the city and for my Mother's Day "brunch" I requested a donut from my favorite bakery, which we waited 40 long minutes for but it was delicious and watching Ethan eat it was a half and hour of good entertainment.

Later on, we went out to the burbs to spend time with B's family. It was a beautiful day and there was wine a flowin' (which makes mommy clever) and lots of bbq'd meats to be had. Ethan and the girl were reunited, and spent most of the day wandering and playing hand in hand. Later on, B's uncle offered to take Ethan for a ride on one of their horses, which was exciting and a bit surreal.

A nice holiday weekend spent with lots of family, and I would say that it was the best Mother's Day yet.

old fashioned

2009-05-06T19:12:00.000-07:00

There seems to be a rivalry brewing between Facebook, the heavyweight champion vs. the underdog, Twitter. I reluctantly have accounts to both and my initial reaction to Twitter was, eh, no one I really know is on this and at least everyone I know is on Facebook. And I thought that Facebook was far superior to Twitter, I thought it was nice to feel virtually close to an old friend that I rarely see. But I have found that I feel more like it is nice to see you, but I seriously can't keep active correspondence with all of my "friends." And I can't help feeling a sense of guilt over that, I have started to reached a saturation point with FB. I am starting to think what started as a good thing is now over run with quizzes, requests, invitiations, and walls to leave witty, wish you were here banter.

Twitter has started to look a bit more attractive, with it's promise of only 140 characters and it is what it is, sort of undertones. Maybe the simplicity of Twitter is what makes it so deceiving. But I think it is the sum of it's parts, it's nice to know what is going on, but without being bombarded by information and visual stimulus. I find that when I go to Facebook it feels like a chore and with Twitter, it is less intense and more enjoyable. And I have found that the more I do it, the more I like it.

That is not to say that I don't enjoy aspects of Facebook or think that social networking on a whole, isn't a good thing. I feel like we are all still trying to figure out what we like and don't like and how open we are to sharing our every move and thought. I do think that it is important to note that social networking can only do so much. Call me old fashioned, but when it comes down to really connecting, phone calls, getting together or a simple hello, are still the simplest and most genuine modes of communication.

Happy Birthday Daddy-o!

2009-05-04T18:22:00.000-07:00

Today my father turned another year older this year. And for his birthday, I am allowing him to come on over on Saturday to hang with me and Ethan and my brother and his son and then probably insist that he buy us some lunch. It should be a good day, I am already looking forward to it.

Happy Birthday Dad.

the honeymoon phase

2009-04-30T07:16:00.001-07:00

Employment has finally found me, so the time for leisurely blogging has gone by the wayside. After many false starts and disappointments, I have finally found somewhere to go during the day that requires me to use my design skills and creativity that have been seldom used these past couple of months. After an interesting team interview and meeting with my potential boss, I accepted a job as the Lead Designer at a small, woman-owned, marketing and consulting company. I will admit that I was very apprehensive to work for a company so similar to the one that I had just left, but I have been pleasantly surprised with every passing day with how well things are going.

I have found that first and foremost not all women bosses are the same. Some are good but some are even better. So far my relationship with my boss is professional, respectful and enjoyable. She does her job and I do mine. It's nice. She is organized, which is new and exciting, she even gives me a weekly list of priorities to work on. This is welcome change after having to organize and wrestle with Excel in order to get a spreadsheet in order to run the weekly production meetings of which my former boss never had much interest in attending.

The best part is, of course, that I get to design again, what I love to do most. I no longer feel so restricted in how I design or anxious that someone will critique over my shoulder while I design. When I show my boss creative, she has constructive feedback and is actually available to talk if I have any questions. Projects get done in a timely manner and I have enough work to keep me busy, both good things.

The office environment is an amalgam of IKEA and CB2 (but what creative office isn't). My two other co-workers are friendly and come from interesting backgrounds. I enjoy them both and look forward to getting to know them better.

Overall, the team dynamic has been energetic and stimulating, there seem to be good things coming up on the horizon and all of us seem to be optimistic for our collective future together. And just when I thought that things couldn't get better, it got a little sweeter when in my first paycheck there was a note thanking me for my work with a gift certificate to my favorite store. An incredibly thoughtful gesture that made me want this honeymoon to last for a long time to come.

hippity hop

2009-04-15T20:08:00.001-07:00

We kept very busy this past weekend. On Friday, Ethan and I ventured out to the suburbs to visit my dad. Ethan's memory never ceases to amaze, as we pulled up in the driveway, Ethan stated that he wanted to throw apples in the creek and look at photos with his Grandpa Bob. The two highlights of his last visit, which was roughly five months ago.

This has been a fairly new trend, where out of the blue Ethan will remember something about a particular person, place or event. It is funny, endearing and a bit surprising that he now has articulated memories of things that he has experienced and clearly enjoyed.

We spent the rest of the Easter holiday weekend with B's family. As always, they were warm and welcoming to Ethan and I, and have even taken on the moniker of Nana and Steve. The weekend was a flurry of activities: egg dyeing, walks with the puppies, mulching and yard work, playing ball, going to the park, easter egg hunts, easter baskets, game playing, book reading, a lot of eating and snacking, topped off with a bottle of Jameson. The latter of which was not B's or I's doing but a divine intervention of sorts.

Overall a wonderful weekend when upon arrival back home, we both agreed that it seemed like we had been gone for days.

favorite superhero

2009-04-09T13:26:00.001-07:00

It has finally happen after six months of unemployment, I got a job offer. In the past two weeks, I finally ended my contract job and had two phone interviews, and two face to face interviews with three different companies.

One of which I was passed on because I didn't have enough coding experience, which has been a disturbingly growing trend that employers are looking for designers who can do development. These two disciplines are vastly different, and though I do think that it is important for designers to know basic html, and developers to understand basic principles of design, a designer is a designer and a developer is a developer (apples to oranges and left vs. right brain). There are certainly designers out there who could develop a web page, but I would hedge my bets that they are sub par designers and probably know just enough code to be dangerous. It is an irritating trend that undervalues the skills of both the designer and the developer. It would like asking an architect to not only design a building but build it too.

The second of my interviews was with a recruiter, and so far, my luck with recruiters has been lukewarm at best. They are certainly enthusiastic and full of optimism, but the return on time invested with them has been disappointing. This recruiter in particular seemed rather flakey. The job itself is exactly what I am looking for, but I would be quite surprised if it actually came to fruition.

The third interview was earlier this week. I had received an email regarding a job that I applied for on Craig's List. The email stated that they had received over 150 applicants and I had made the first cut to the top ten. Attached to the this email was a four-page word doc with a multitude of questions, which took me over an hour to fill out, but I finished it and sent it off the next day. I heard back later that week that I had made it through the second cut, I was one of three to be interviewed.

I went to the interview, oddly not nervous and answered their questions, basically elaborations to questions asked in the aforementioned word doc. I had done well up to the last question, which was "Who is your favorite superhero?," which completely caught me off guard. And their was an awkward pause, and I hemmed and hawed and the only thing I could think of was Ethan dressed in his new Superman pajamas. I finally mumbled something about Batman because I had a crush on Christian Bale and then followed that up with an unintelligibly good guys getting the bad guys for the greater good explanation..goodbye confidence. The interview wrapped up and I awaited the call of yay or nay. And I am happy to report that I did get the offer and will meet with her Monday to discuss the finer points.

As I have written before. Job interviews are like dates but without the free drinks. And jobs are like long term relationships, sometimes there is an initial spark and chemistry, and sometimes you take a job because you want to feel a part of something. My last job ended badly and left me upset, numb and slightly bitter. But this is definitely a good turn of events, I caught the proverbial bouquet and am looking forward to what I hope will be a solid relationship.

introducing...

2009-04-03T17:45:00.000-07:00

There is a new addition to our family. And luckily, this one did not make me gain 40 pounds and need to gestate for nine months. Instead, we picked her out of a room full of kitties at B's mom's animal shelter. Unfortunately, it was too early in the year for the really little kittens, but she herself is pretty small and about 10 months old. It took a few days to name her, but we ended up going with Ms. Moneypenny, and call her Penny for short.

Some of the other names that were in the running were Tuna, Sushi, Clementine, Wasabi, Penelope, Gravy, and Oatmeal.

We already have one cat, his name is Turkey and he can be a bit grumpy and is not much of a snuggler. Penny on the other hand is exactly the kind of cat I like, she is a lover and a snuggler. I will admit that she does look an awful lot like my first cat Banana, who is now living in a loving home up in Michigan with my brother. But it was not on purpose, I don't think.

Ethan had a great time at the shelter. He got to pet lots of kitties and we saw some dogs as well. His first choice in cats was a severly overweight cat with long hair, who was almost bigger then the basket it was laying in. We vetoed that one, and looked at a few others, and once we started petting Penny, we knew she was a keeper.

rocky mountain high

2009-03-24T14:07:00.000-07:00

Two weekends ago, we went on a quickie birthday trip to Colorado. It was a surprise trip for B and also for my friend who lives there, I was able to keep it a secret from both of them, which was no small feat. We flew in Friday, my friend's husband picked us up from the airport (he was privy to the surprise) and we came up with a brilliant plan that he would drop us off a few blocks from the house, I would call her and chat and then walk up and ring the bell, and we would be happily reunited...which would have been a possibility had she answered her phone, but unfortunately it went straight to voicemail and there was no doorbell. So we ended up just walking in, which scared the pants off my friend but after the panic and confusion subsided, we were in fact, happily united again.

Our friends have a ski house up in the mountains that they were renting with some friends. So after a quick lunch, we drove up and met up with their friends and a pair of cousins that were in town. We had dinner and attempted to go bowling, but the bowling alley had only 6 lanes and the wait was far too long, so we called it a night.

The next morning, we were awoken by my friend's overly enthusiastic husband who was rearing to go. We headed up to Vail for a day of skiing. The last time we were here, I had gone skiing for my first time and it was a frightening experience only to return home with head to toe bruises. So it was no surprise that I was nervous and a bit nauseous going up the gondola. But my rental skis fit significantly better, I had a helmet to wear and the beginner hills were open this time, all good things. My friend who is a freakishly good skier was pregnant so she hung back with me as I slowly but surely made it down the hill. I only fell a few times and by days end was able to make it all the way down unscathed.

That evening we returned to Denver for the night with plans to go find an Irish bar to celebrate Patty's Day, but in the end were too exhausted and stayed in. The next morning, my overly active friends wanted to take us on a hike. So we went off to Red Rocks and drove around a bit and then set out for our hike. Hiking is one of those activities that I want to like, but think that walking with a myriad of obstacles and an increased risk of turning an ankle is never a super fun way to spend time. It always feel like I am on some forced death march, unable to enjoy the beautiful scenery because my eyes are glued to the ground. But when in Denver, do what weekend warriors do...

After we returned, B couldn't stop talking about how much he wanted to move out there, how fantastic it would be if we could live by mountains and partake in all of the glorious outdoor activities that are seemingly sponsored by rei, north face, and patagonia. Part of me likes the thought of living there, I would be close to my friends that I miss so much and it would be great to raise Ethan with so many outdoor activities, and the dreaded Chicago winters would be replaced by 300 days of sunshine. It also helps the cause that I am currently in a holding pattern called unemployment, so if there was a good time to go somewhere new, perhaps now is the time. I do love Chicago and would miss it terribly but with this past year finally behind us, a fresh start is pretty appealing.

supply and demand

2009-03-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

It is my understanding that one of the fundamental business principals is supply and demand: if there is a need for something people will buy it. If it is available, that is. I have had three opportunities to give my money over to our recessed economy only to be faced with a stone faced employee telling me no. The first of which was at Target last month, to purchase an ice scrapper due to B's over zealous scrapping, and subsequent breakage. We asked a friendly saleswoman the whereabouts of said item and were told that they had been sold out for months...months?! This left both of us completely mystified as to what manager didn't think to re-order them after selling out of an item that just about everyone in this frigid city requires.

The other two incidents happend just yesterday. I was inspired to get into the spirit of the St. Patrick's holiday and decided to make corned beef and cabbage. I searched different recipes on the interwebs and found one to my liking and skipped off to store feeling optimistic due to warm thoughts of feeding my family a lovely dinner. I went to the store #1 and was met by woman in hairnet telling me that they were sold out. I was struck with disbelief, how were they sold out, this is an annual holiday, shouldn't they have a rough idea as to how many they would need? Off to store #2, where I was met by a young man who before I even got the question out, told me that they had no more left. Disappointing.

After facing such defeat, I was left with no choice but to drown my sorrows in a shamrock shake. So I went to order, to which I was told they were no longer were selling. Isn't the whole concept of this shake based on this particular holiday? Left in despair, the only thing left to console me was some Beamish stout, which was quite delicious and made everything Irish again.

on the mend

2009-03-03T08:48:00.000-08:00

After spending five days in bed with the flu, I am finally feeling better. It's pretty amazing how fast a day goes by when it is necessary to take both a morning and afternoon nap. Unfortunately, B seems to have come down with it too, but in a milder but still irritating version of it. Ethan was safely quarantined from the apartment, his dad and grandma were nice enough to hold onto him this past weekend.

On the job front, I have finished up my contract job. I would liken the work to that of data entry for designers. Very basic production work with some admin thrown in at the very end. It was mind numbing, but I did get a lot of reading done and played way too much scrabble to pass time. There were days that I had to stretch two hours of work into seven, because that is all they had for me to do. They even let go of the other designer because I was so efficient, and also because his files were incorrect, which was worrisome because the work was so basic. The highlight of my month there was when someone stopped me to say what a great job I was doing, which ended with me explaining the difference between vector and bitmap graphics (yes, her eyes did glaze over a bit) at which she exclaimed that I was an expert. Which couldn't be farther from the truth, but always pleasurable to hear.

I have had a recent run of interviews. One of which led to a second interview and an invitation to a third, which led to a great hee haw of excitement that I was finally going to get a job offer and proof that I wasn't completely worthless. There was an odd period of silence between the phone call inviting me back for the final interview and me phoning back a week later, which was met with the assurance that it was all a matter of timing. I had an unsettling feeling that something seemed amiss, and those feelings were confirmed when I got the call that they offered it to the other finalist (and no, there was never a third interview). Needless to say, this was disappointing news, but I have no other choice but to pick myself up and keep applying.

In more cheerful news, Ethan is continuing to prosper and his little personality is emerging more and more each day. He is talking a lot, though there is room for improvement in the enunciation department. Last week, we had a play date planned, his bff from school was coming over for dinner, so we had a pep talk before hand about sharing and not fighting over toys. After dinner, the boys scooted into his room to play, and as we were talking in the other room, I could hear a fight a brewin' and was surprised when Ethan came marching out of his room holding his bouncy ball and put it in the corner, and ran back to his room; favoring the if we can't share, then I shall remove this toy diplomacy. After we picked our jaws up off the ground, I couldn't help but beam with motherly pride, it makes me tear up a little just thinking about it.

the big sleep

2009-02-27T13:44:00.000-08:00

On Wednesday, I woke up feeling a bit achy and had a bit of a tickle in my throat. These thoughts were interrupted by the morning yelp of Ethan, who refuses to get out of bed until I come and pluck him out. So I got up and we did our morning routine and I dropped him off at school. I wasn't going to work because I was going out the suburbs to see my dad for the day. He recently got a hip replacement and I was going out there to hang out, I had visions of him reciting his memoirs to me, giving me some sort of keen insight into his life resulting in some serious father-daughter bonding. No such luck, instead I was shown where the computer was and explained the intricacies of the world of Gmail and Facebook, where I set him up accounts for both.

On my drive back, I started to get a headache and was feeling a bit nauseous. I went home and took a nap, thinking it would pass. When I awoke, I didn't feel any better, in fact worse. Luckily, Mike was taking Ethan for the night, so after a quick dinner I went to bed somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 pm. And woke up 12 hours later, still feeling a bit off. I was supposed to go to work my last day of my contract job, but I called my supervisor and told her that I wasn't going to be able to make it in. The day consisted of sleeping, lots of sleeping punctuated only by an hour of two of being awake before the headache and chills sent me back to bed.

So it would seem that I have the dreaded flu. Last night, B came home armed with flu medicine and soup for me and did his best to nurse me back to health. This morning, I woke up with less aches but still had the chills and my throat is so swollen, it is difficult to swallow. So, no work today either, I will be finishing up my contract on Monday. Hopefully by then, I will be the picture of health once again.

things that go bump in the night

2009-02-19T09:11:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we drove up to Michigan to spend some time with family and friends. First stop, Chelsea, Michigan. Home of the Jiffy baking empire and also one of my favorite people. We arrived Friday evening and as soon as Ethan hit the door, he and my friend's little boy Owen, were like two peas in the pod. It was exhausting just watching them play and interact. Nothing makes me smile quite like these two do, it has been a wonderful thing that they seem to get on so well.

We had a delicious dinner of enchiladas (thank you Mandy). After that the boys bathed and we thought it would be a good idea for these two crazy monkeys to share a bed. Ethan was more ok with it then Owen, at one point Owen said that he just wanted to sleep alone. We tried the experiment for an hour, even setting up a monitor to listen to the two whispering boys. Eventually they were separated, and everyone went to bed.

At 3 am, I was awoken by a bump followed by the familiar bleat of my son. Apparently Ethan had fallen out of bed, but no major injuires to report. I ended up spending the rest of the night with him. Note to self, apparently those bed rails are still required at this age.

Next day, we set out for the place where I grew up for a visit with my brother and Mom. But not without a quickie stop at my favorite donut place, which never disappoints. We met up with my brother and scooted out for some lunch at the Olive Garden, nothing says Valentine's Day like breadsticks and unlimited pasta. Upon our arrival, Ethan got a bloody nose and was sobbing uncontrollably. Yes, I was that mother and he was that crazed child in a public space. The bleeding monster was made all better after his auntie gave him a box of chocolates.

We hung out for a few hours and then returned to Chelsea. At bedtime, I put Ethan in a much more safety-regulated pack and play. After that, we just hung out and had some drinks and played some cards. Very laid back but nice nonetheless to see some familiar faces and get out of the city for the weekend.

happy birthday to you...

2009-02-11T17:45:00.000-08:00

Today marks the birthday of two of my favorite people and yes, they are in fact, twins. But the old school kind, when it was still an anomaly and you weren't pumped full of fertility drugs and could birth 8 babies. Anyway, I am getting off subject here, I can remember in 6th grade when Mandy told me that Aimee was her twin sister, I thought that she was lying. It was the first time I had met twins and the fact that they look absolutely nothing alike was suspicious. But alas, I have met their family and have also run some dna tests, they are indeed related, and they are two of my oldest and dearest friends (note: not old as in age, old as in the length of time we have known each other).

Happy birthday ladies. I hope it was a good one.

hello cubicle

2009-02-05T18:26:00.000-08:00

So begins my three weeks in corporate america. Thus far in my career, I have been able to completely avoid working for a large corporation, not necessarily on purpose, I have always been slightly curious about them, not unlike my fascination with Escalades, "super" stores and double Big Macs. Begging the question, does size really matter? In this case, yes, this company is so large, not only does it have a corporate campus but the entire city is named after it.

So far, all of my suspicions have been confirmed, lots of beige decor, inspring hr posters on the wall and interesting fashion choices. I have been placed in a far back corner, in their "hotel" section, where freelancers call home. The cubicle is tiny and between the massive chair and the broken metal keyboard table protruding from beneath the desk, it makes for an interesting fit.

The work flow and general pace that I have grown accustomed to is very different from what I am currently experiencing. I have always worked for small firms, which I would liken to a race horse, they are usually run pretty lean, which usually means a lot more work and responsibility and things move fast. I have now reached the conclusion that I have been a sucker all of these years. Perhaps these larger companies are on to something. There appears to be less work, and things seem to move at a remarkably slower pace, granted there seem to be a lot of emails and meeting invites, but did I mention the amazing automated coffee machine and free oatmeal (it's "heart healthy" week) in the cafeteria (note: most places I have worked have had a small busted ass table and dorm size fridge).

There is inevitably a downside. The commute is an hour each way; I used to cry about the commute from Evanston into the city. I find that my inner road rage seems to be rearing it's ugly little head and NPR becomes disappointingly static ridden just outside the city limits. There is also the fact that I have to work on a very pokey PC that doesn't seem to like me, which they actually force me to take home every night. And carrying that, along with a purse, and small child in heels with variable snow and ice conditions, I fear is going to end very badly.

The moral of this story is, is that it is good to experience things outside of your comfort zone. It is good for me to get up and shower before noon and actually apply make up and use my iron for clothes that I haven't worn in months. I do have positive things on the horizon that will hopefully come to fruition for my next blog. So hang tight, things are looking up.

family ties

2009-02-03T19:08:00.000-08:00

This past weekend was family-packed. My brother, nephew, and mom came down from Michigan for a weekend visit. There was some belated Christmas gifts exchanged and the boys had a chance to play. My brother and I went and met my dad and his family for an early dinner at Portillo's, which apparently is big in the suburbs, but non-existent in the city. It was good to see everyone and my hot dog was as good as they get. My dad refereed the two boys, at one point, Ethan felt as though Emery wasn't quite doing enough, so decided a running push might get him moving again. This of course did not end well, but at least Ethan is acknowledging Emery as a play mate. Later that night, we went to my mom's side of the family and had more food and good company.

It was nice to see so many familiar faces. I feel lucky to have all of my aunts and uncles in an hour radius (except for one stray aunt in California) from me and think that it is a shame I don't see them more then once a year. I think that it would be nice to see them more often and actually get to know them as an adult. It's funny how an image of someone gets cemented in your brain, I can remember how all of them looked when I was much younger and as the years passed I still think of them in that same way.

Recently, words like cancer and hip replacement are starting to come up and it takes my breath away. How can these people that I have looked up to all of my life possibly be suffering from things that seem so far off still? I realize that I am not a child anymore and that they are not as young either. But I guess it is all the more reason to try to see them more and have Ethan get to know more of his family too.

seeing pink

2009-01-29T13:45:00.000-08:00

So I have been waking up with a weird crust in my eye...yes, I am only getting more attractive with age. After a visit to the ole' Web MD, found that I have a blocked tear duct, pink eye or skin cancer. I am going to go with B, and have been suffering from it ever since. It hasn't been too bad, I have never suffered from this ailment before, it's more a nuisance then anything else. I am reminded that health insurance is a good thing to have.

Ethan has been under the weather as well. No pink eye for him, just a cough and a fever. He stayed home and we hung out and did some projects and watched a movie. It was nice to have some downtime with him. I want to give a shout out to the $1 bins at Target, I bought six animal stamps for a dollar and they kept his attention an impressively long time. So if you have never checked it out and you have a child or like an amazing deal, I would recommend it.

Last weekend, we caught Frightened Rabbit at the Bottle, and it was a really great show. I have been obsessively listening to them for awhile now and it was all that I wanted in a live show. The sounds was great and so was the beer on special.

Next week, I start working again. It is a month long contract up at Abbott Labs, I hope that it is quick and painless, though I fear the commute won't be. But in a burst of good news, I have three interviews lined up in the next few days for permanent jobs, all of which I would happily take if an offer was made. It is a much needed turn of events. It will be good to be employed again and good to have a paycheck and some self-esteem back as well.

when it rains, it pours

2009-01-23T09:30:00.001-08:00

Last night, I got an email from this design firm that I had applied at and they want me to come in for an interview next week. Hooray! I had applied for this job a few weeks ago, and when I didn't hear back initially, I thought that I didn't make the cut. In an odd coincidence, I had a portfolio review at this same place when I was fresh out of school, but was still living in Michigan, so the commute would have been rough and I wasn't quite ready to move to Chicago. Anyway, the interview is Tuesday, so cross everything that you got that this goes well.

In other job news, I had a phone interview yesterday for a month long job. Two major draw backs though, very long commute and I would be doing all production work and no design. I am on the fence about taking it, I don't want to pass up work but I also don't want to miss out on other opportunities because I took this job.

There were two more good job leads. One was for a in-house designer job, that I had a phone interview with last week and thought went well and was fairly excited about. The HR person called and left a message earlier this week and I followed up twice this week but to no avail. I was also submitted for another job through another staffing agency, but I haven't heard anything back.

I am feeling hopeful about gainful employment happening by month's end. I need a job.

i'm a believer

2009-01-22T11:56:00.000-08:00

The talk of the town this week has, of course, been the inauguration of our 44th President. It is the first inauguration that I have ever gone out of my way to watch, and not just seen as a news clip. I will admit that what choked me up the most, was the 10 minute Obama bio video montage, I actually teared up, it didn't help matters that I was on a treadmill at the time.

Fast forward an hour, we watched the President being sworn in and listened to his speech. I was struck by how truly engaged and passionate people were, it was pretty amazing watching so many people all around the world, watching the same thing with the same expression of joy and hopefulness. I enjoyed how simple and straightforward his speech was, I read the next day that some people felt as though the speech wasn't optimistic enough, but I think for these times, I found it inspirational that we were all in this together and that it was up to each of us to make positive change; there seems to be an overwhelming lack of responsibility on the part of corporations, politicians, Wall Street, public figures... That said, expectation for our new President are at a fever pitch, but like everyone else I am truly hopeful for change.

Shortly after the inauguration, I came down with an awful stomach bug. And spent the next day, in rough shape, everything ached, and I was coughing so hard it was making me throw up. Yum. But today, I awoke, and felt great and have all day. I have never believed in 24 hour flus, due to the fact I never had one before, but I am a believer now. And am glad to be feeling better.

And on a closing note, it seems like everyone is having babies. This month alone, 3 of my friends have had babies, and all three were girls! A congratulations to all of the new parents and a warm welcome to Vivian, Jude and Beatrix. And I have three other pregnant friends, see, things do come in 3's.

formerly known as

2009-01-13T12:47:00.000-08:00

Today I took a field trip to my local Social Security office, which much to my shock, I was in and out of in under 20 minutes. The last time I made this venture, it took me just shy of 2 hours, which I followed up with an excruciating 3 hour wait at the Department of Motor Vehicles. Which now looking back, was probably an omen. But there I was again, this time with divorce papers in hand and back to being a Zumstein once again.

Yesterday, via email, I found out that my divorce is final and unbeknownst to me, has been, for over a month now. I am now officially a 32 year-old, divorcee, unemployed, single mom. The only thing that could possibly make this a perfect trifecta, would be to move back in with my mom, back in Michigan. Just typing that makes me nervous (no offense to my mother or to the state of Michigan).

Never fear, things are looking up. I have been applying for some promising jobs. I got an email requesting a phone interview and another requesting my portfolio, both good signs. This week, I am meeting with two more staffing agencies for temp work, since the three that I am currently with, have come through with very little, despite my borderline stalking and constant responses to their job listings. My thought is that with the amount of jobs that I have applied for, something is bound to give.

I was listening to Hillary Clinton's confirmation hearing today on npr and man alive is that a grueling job interview. Pretty intimidating, but she handled it with intelligence and grace. Her ability to articulate and breadth of knowledge amazes me. It makes me want to have a better handle on geography and get a subscription to the Economist. I was less inspired by Bush's last press conference yesterday, but only 7 more days.

big treat

2009-01-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

This week was a big one for the little man. We had what Oprah would call an aha-moment on two fronts. The first of which would be the morning school drop off, which is usually traumatizing for both of us, ending with Ethan crying his head off, screaming for mommy, while I slink out with my head down, trying not to be identified as the mother of the sobbing, maladjusted child. Then Tuesday, on a fluke, he brought two of his animal toys and after we washed hands, I was preparing to say good-bye, but he was so preoccupied by his toys, that he just kissed me goodbye with no fuss. I almost cried, it was amazing. And has only gotten better, today, he actually told me "bye, bye mommy, you go now."

The second major milestone has been reached in the potty training department. He has graduated to wearing underwear all day and only wears a pull up when he naps and goes to bed. And this week, he has been pooping in the toilet, a feat that I feared he may never reach, but he has gone almost every day and a "big" treat seems to be excellent motivation.

So all and all, a good week. He is off to stay the weekend with his dad, who has been traveling for the past few weeks. I can't help but to be a little sad that I won't see him all weekend, I have been enjoying his company and am feeling like a mom again.

leopard spots

2009-01-07T10:17:00.000-08:00

There is the saying that "a leopard can't change their spots." That got me to thinking about the new year and our desire to make new year's resolutions, vowing big changes and vast improvements. Every year, it crosses my mind to live healthier and to be better with money but really, who doesn't?

My thought this year would be to make goals that are smaller in scale and a bit less daunting then the usual losing ten pounds and becoming debt free. So let the docket begin.

Personal Website: It seems ridiculous that I haven't ever gotten this one done, but since I have a bit more time on my hands and live with someone that can do all of the development for me, it seems to be an opportune time to finish this one up. I have started the design, and hope to have it done by month's end. So stay tuned, more of me to come shortly.

Cooking: This is an area that I have never excelled in or even had any interest in, I have always been a baker, since 8th grade home economics. Since moving to Chicago, I think I can count on two hands how many times I have actually cooked a real meal. Much of my single existence, I subsisted solely on tuna and pb&j sandwiches and quesadillas. I also worked intermittently in restaurants and lived with Charlene, who had chef-training, both bonuses for my nutritional needs. Then I met Mike, who was like an Iron Chef, he could whip up dinner with a few mystery items. But with that meal ticket now gone, I have been cooking almost every night, which I have actually been (gasp) enjoying. It is nothing complicated, but I have been seeking out new recipes, and have been getting over my fear of chopping vegetables.

Blogging: The ultimate goal would be to have more then 5 hits a day and instead have legions of fans anxiously awaiting a new post, which would lead to demands for book deals and bidding wars over movie rights; showcasing my exceptional wit and insight into the life as an urban dweller, part Sex and the City, part Seinfeld with a splash of So You Think you Can Dance (this is only if there is heavy drinking involved).

My Body is My Temple: Gym membership, check. I have now gone almost three months without smoking. Yes, I know it's a bad habit, and it only spiked due to a bit of stress these past few months. But I stopped, so get off my back.

There are lots of other things I want to do, like actually finish reading Crime and Punishment, start painting again, limit myself to only 3 facebook scrabble games at a time, and finding a job should probably be in there somewhere. Here's to the new year.

love at first sight

2009-01-03T18:47:00.001-08:00

Watching someone fall in love is always a thing of wonder, but watching your two year old is a whole nother. We spent Christmas Eve with B's family and when the youngest cousin came in, it was like watching a cartoon, complete with eyes popping out of the head and the heart beating out of the chest. From that moment forward, a calm, cool and collected Ethan was glued to her side for the rest of the night. Beforehand, I was worried about him being his usual nutso self and prepared myself for a tantrum or two, but he certainly showed a more mature side then I have ever seen.

I have always been told that my kid was going to be a heartbreaker, but I wasn't quite prepared for such an early start. From this moment forward, I will now be on the lookout for tall, older blondes. I have to confess that him being the son of two designers, I sort of daydreamed about him becoming a super fabulous (fabbbuuluuuss) and famous fashion designer, a mom can only dream.

As for me, I suppose with such a select readership, it really is okay to admit to the 6 or so people that read this blog that I have found the person that makes me feel whole in every possible way. Timing was not everything, but he was a kindred spirit who somehow, someway, I always felt I belonged to and he to me.

I will say that the demise of my marriage was not wholly because of him. There were so many other things wrong and not working. Perspective has been an introspective tool these past few months, there are things that I regret and things that give me pause. I have cried till there was nothing left and been torn to bits over many things. But I can say, that I know that I made the best decision, that I would rather my son grow and flourish in a home that is filled with love and partnership, and me the same.

I hope for this new year to bring some resolve and hope for good things to come. I wish to abide to honesty being the best policy. I admit to not being terribly forthcoming with certain details, but I am going to try my best to change that, to let go a little bit more and be not so afraid of failure and what people think, to be free and feel a bit more like me.

the year in review

2008-12-29T13:48:00.001-08:00

2008 was certainly not a banner year, but here is a quickie recap of the good, bad and the ugly.

Good stuff:
• Ethan learning to say "please" and "thank you"
• Birthday trip to Colorado
• Ann Arbor 10-year college reunion and Spartan win
• Summer concerts in Millennium Park
• Labor Day Vacation in Michigan with family
• Ethan learning how to ride his tricycle
• Finding my other half

Good Change: Obama being elected President
Good Movie: The Dark Knight (Christian Bale on an IMAX screen...)
Good Show: Broken Social Scene with Yeasayer at the Metro
Good Read: Run by Ann Patchett
Good way to procrastinate: Facebook Scrabble
Good Deal: $10 yoga at Nature Yoga on Tuesday nights followed by $2 pints at the Easy Bar across the street (counterproductive? yes, but you can't pass up a deal)
Greatest thing since sliced bread: iPhone (here an app, there an app, everywhere an app, app)

Good Music:
• The Midnight Organ Fight: Frightened Rabbit
• Spirit If: BSS ft. Kevin Drew
• We Brave Beestings and All: Thao
• In Rainbows: Radiohead
• For Emma: Bon Iver
• Walk it Off: Tapes N' Tapes
• Everything that Happens Today: Brian Eno & David Byrne

Bad stuff:
• Buying a house, then losing the house
• Losing my job
• Unemployment
• Outbreak of grey hair
• Molting lips

Just plain ugly: Divorce

holidays on ice

2008-12-27T19:40:00.000-08:00

It seems as if the holiday season came and went in a blink of an eye. The weather here in Chicago has been snowy, icy and uncomfortably cold; though we seem to be going through a bit of a heat wave presently with all of the precipitation and potential flooding. I suppose I wouldn't have it any other way, what else would we talk about? Misery loves company. Though I do find myself day dreaming about the days when I can throw Ethan in a t-shirt and shorts and enjoy the park and other outdoor activities.

Anyway, we had a white Christmas. Ethan made out like a bandit in both the wardrobe and toy department. He had so many presents, that we had to space it out over the course of a few days, he was beginning to show signs of present-fatigue.

We had a lovely Christmas Eve and Christmas, filled with new family and amazing amounts of warmth and generosity.

The favorite present was a 100-piece wooden train set, which took awhile to set up and in the end didn't quite fit together completely. But Ethan loved it and also received a train whistle and wind up train set sent from his uncle and auntie on the east coast.

Overall, a really nice holiday as we continue to adjust to all the changes. But am feeling content and am banking for good things to come about this new year.

change of address

2008-12-22T13:12:00.001-08:00

We are now moved and settled in. The first couple of days were a bit frosty, there was no heat and a delay until the gas people could come out, but I am now defrosted and happy to have a place to call home again.

I can remember when I could move all of my stuff in one car load, it now requires a 30 foot truck with 2 strapping men. I did a quick count and came up with 20 places that I have lived since I was 18, which is a lot of crossed out lines in an address book. But this will be home for at least awhile, my desire to move is rivaled only by a blow to the head.

Ethan has his own room complete with a new big boy bed, a change from his crib. The transition was not as smooth as I hoped and I ended up spending a good part of the night in the bed with him, thankfully the IKEA bed did not break into pieces. It is getting a little bit better every night but still not quite as easy as throwing him into the crib was.

We got a Christmas tree this weekend and it is my first as an adult, and I can't help but to smile every time I look over at the twinkling lights and rather random assortment of ornaments. Ethan had an interesting method of hanging multiple ornaments on the same branch. We also hosted a little cookie party with Ethan's BFF from school, the cookies got cut out, baked and frosted and decorated liberally. So far a warm and happy start to the holiday season.

wish lists

2008-12-10T11:08:00.000-08:00

This past weekend, I went with my mom friend to take our little men to see Santa Claus over in Roscoe Village during Winter Fest. It started off on the wrong foot, with the sighting of a six foot tall reindeer. Most kids adore these mythical creatures that come to life in the form of a costumed adult, but for some reason, anything that moves covered in fake fur scares the bejesus out of him, including the Easter bunny and tickle me Elmo. Anyway, Ethan managed to avoid any further reindeer sightings by closing his eyes tightly whenever our paths crossed, perhaps a method that I will take up when there is someone or something I do not want to be bothered with.

We found Santa in a hair salon of all places and Ethan was swept up into Santa's lap with nary a cry or whimper. Santa asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he whispered, "reindeer." And that was that, off the lap he went and we left with candy cane in hand. I was kind of hoping for some insight into what he wanted to find under the tree come Christmas day, but think that the reindeer was far too great a distraction. And just like the Easter bunny incident from last spring (where any bunny was deemed bad), anything reindeer-related is now "scary," which makes for some tough holiday activities.

On my wish list for this year, a little peace of mind would be a welcome change of pace. I am moving this weekend, if all goes well, and I am looking forward to having a permanent residence and having all of my stuff in one spot again. Ethan is coming to live with me, which I am incredibly happy about, no more long commutes to the house and no more fist to cuffs with Mike either. Not that it was ever too awful but I think it will be easier for both of us not to have to deal with one another.

As the holidays draw closer, I can't help but to feel a little bit sad that I will not be going home to Michigan nor am I going to Providence to hang with my brother and his family. I am feeling like this transition phase is not yet over, the tailspin from this summer has just slowed to a stop and I am feeling a little bit disoriented. I never thought that I would be unemployed this long, nor did I ever realize how difficult and stressful all of this was going to be. I can hear concern in my mom's voice and see it on my dad's face, and I can't help feeling like I have let a lot of people down. But I suppose now that I have hit the proverbial bottom, I have nowhere to go but up. My holiday wish would be for a fresh start and perhaps a lovely holiday for my little boy to remember.

sign here

2008-11-25T11:27:00.000-08:00

And here and here. I did what I was told and signed my name in triplicate. The papers were notarized and we are now a court date away from being officially and lawfully over. The whole thing was more painless then expected, 0ther then crying to the point of hyperventilation, I think we both walked away as amicably as we could.

I will always question if this was right thing to do. I don't know if any passage of time is ever going to make all the pain and hurt go away. The past few months have been the hardest that I have ever experienced, such a concentrated mix of emotions; that I am sure given the choice, I would never go through this again. If there were a magical rewind button, I would have done things differently, more honestly and less hurtful, but I can't no matter how hard I try.

I hope that every day we both hurt a little less. And in the end, we can both be happier and more fulfilled apart then we were together.

black & blue

2008-11-19T08:36:00.000-08:00

I am now another year older and I celebrated this milestone by going out to Colorado to spend some time with some of my favorite people. To give some background, one of my best friends moved out to Denver two years ago and she and her husband have a lovely home with their somewhat temperamental Chihuahua. The two of them are big into outdoor recreation that they complained was somewhat lacking here in Chicago, they ended up choosing the mountains over a yearly gym membership here.

Anyway, we flew in way too early on Friday and spent most of the morning sleeping. We then poked around a bit in downtown and went to the behemoth, known as REI. I have never set foot into one of these stores for fear that I would feel the need to outfit myself in thousands of dollars worth of useless gear, and by useless I mean that I don't like to leave the house from December through March. I made it out unscathed, with a triumphant little hat to wear to the mountains.

That evening, we drove up into the mountains to Breckenridge, where we had a sweet little timeshare for the week. We unloaded and popped into town to get some pizza and beer. It was explained to me on the way up that altitude affects you in funny ways, the first of which is that effects of alcohol can be potent. I had one whole beer at dinner and felt as if I had about four. But the pizza was good and I learned that the locals dip their pizza crusts in honey, which was surprisingly delicious. It was an early night, we hit up one other bar that looked untouched by time complete with a wood burning stove and many a large mammal hanging from the wall.

The next day we awoke bright and early and went to the store and to find some ski rentals. An hour later, we were lifted off to the mountain in a gondola. Now, I have only been skiing once before, and that was in fifth grade on the equivalent of a hill no higher then your average snow pile in a January parking lot. My expectations for this whole skiing extravaganza was to not end up in traction or an ER by weeks end.

Day 1 of skiing was at Breckenridge, where there was a bunny hill for me to start off on, which upon reaching the top, I fell right on over as soon as I got off the lift. The first trip down the hill went as well as can be expected, with lots of falling and needing assistance up. But after just my first run, I was able to make it all the way down without falling. Stopping was soon discovered to be my Achilles heel, as I would barrel down into my friends like a cartoon at the end of each run. We made a dozen or so runs and I ended the day, feeling as though I was obviously a natural born skier and was looking forward to the next day of graduating from the bunny hill.

That evening, we cooked a nice dinner to celebrate my birthday.
It was perfect.

Day 2 of skiing, we went to Keystone instead of Breckenridge, my friends said that it would be perfect for me and my ever improving beginner level. I was nervous as hell the farther up the gondola took us. And I was woefully unprepared for what lay ahead. This run compared to the day's before run, was about 10 times longer and steeper and more crowded. The first run was a nightmare, I am sure that I fell about a dozen times, lost a ski and was on the verge of tears the whole way down. My nerves were shattered and I was pretty sure, if given a choice I would have happily been airlifted off the mountain and into the closest watering hole. But I endured what seemed to be a never ending ending trail of snow. After which, I took a much needed break to contemplate whether or not I wanted to continue.

A little peer pressure and pep talk later, we returned to the daunting hill and down we went. This time went a little bit better, but at one point, everyone got ahead of me and I took a tumble that ended with me losing a ski that I had to trot back up the hill to get and then had to put both skis back on, on a steep slope, it took some time. And in that time, my friends were waiting for me and freaked out when they saw first aid go by with a body wrapped in plastic, they were tipped off by the snowboard boots that it was not me. I did eventually make it down the run, sure that there was no way in hell that I was going down again.

Somehow on the lift back up, I got talked into it again. And down we went for the final time. This time went significantly better, only one major fall, in the exact same place I fell the time before. This tumble resulted in me losing both my skis and whacking my head so hard that I saw stars. But I shook it off and made it all the way down, actually enjoying a few minutes here and there. And in the end, was happy that I had chosen to go down again.

I awoke the next day to a very sore body, covered in a myriad of interesting bruises, which I now have photographic evidence of. The remainder of the trip was all about relaxing and recovering.

Overall, skiing was a frightening experience that I can say that I am proud of myself for at least trying. I am not sure that going to the mountains for my first attempt was the best idea, I should have perhaps conquered Mt. Trashmore first. I now recognize that adrenaline sports are not so much my cup of tea. I mean, my main sport in highschool was rowing, perhaps one of the slowest and most repetitive sports out there. But I did it and I would do it all over again, because with another birthday candle on the cake, the clock is a tickin and there is still so much that I want to do.

hope & change

2008-11-06T12:07:00.000-08:00

Such a big week, I feel like I have an election hangover, all the anticipation, and then for everything to come to fruition was so overwhelming and exciting. I loved every second of it. There was of course the big rally down in Grant Park, but I exercised my right to stay put and watch the returns from the couch where channel surfing could be had. A little lame, and it is not without some regret. But a great night overall surrounded by friends and good food, is all one could really ask for.

I had another interview on Tuesday. And it went better then expected. I initially met with two people, and then was introduced to two others and interviewed with them as well, I took this as a good sign. I received feedback yesterday that "the team loved me," that right, the word "loved" was actually used. I was also informed that although the job doesn't start until the first of the year, she seemed confident that I would get an offer. So keep the fingers crossed.

I have found that the recent time change is not always comprehended by 2 year olds. They don't seem to relish the extra hour of sleep and also don't take kindly to the change in their routine. Didn't see this one coming and boy has Ethan been cranky this week, hoping this remedies itself sooner rather then later.

The unemployment office has not been kind to me. I have found myself on the phone with them countless numbers of times, trying to get things clarified. I even trekked up there, only to be met with one person (seriously, one person) helping a roomful of people, I waited two hours only to be told that they couldn't help me and that I was still under review and to expect something in the mail. Seriously exasperating, but to the mailbox I go.

trick or treat

2008-11-03T10:50:00.001-08:00

This Halloween marks the first time that Ethan went trick or treating, dressed as an elephant, we went with his friend from school around the neighborhood (all of two blocks). Ethan got the hang of the whole going door to door routine and sweetly saying "tick or teat" (the r's are still giving him some trouble). The only somewhat unexpected set back was the amount of stairs this involved, almost every house we went to had roughly 10 or so stairs, some more steep then others. I would say the entire experience was equivalent to popping Ethan onto a stairmaster for an hour or so. The effects of the rigorous workout were seen soon after dinner, when both boys were eye rubbing and suffering from mild post-too-much-candy syndrome.

Last week, I had an interview with a non-profit here in Chicago for a temp to possible full time position. The interview went well and I felt as if I was qualified for the job and if I were the betting type, I thought they were for sure going to go with me, judging from their enthusiasm and body language. But alas, I made it into the top two and they ended up going with the other person. Though I am disappointed, it is not the end of the world and it was good for my slightly bruised ego to have a great interview. I have another interview tomorrow for a job that I am excited about and hope that it goes well. I have passed a phone interview and they seem to like my work, so that is a bonus. Keep your fingers crossed.

Sunday, I went downtown to poke around and was reminded as to how beautiful this city is. I loved seeing all the amazing architecture and enjoyed the last of the warm weather. All and all it has been a rough year but days like yesterday shake me out of my funk and I remember all of the exuberance that I was filled with when I moved here six years ago.

Election day is tomorrow...please VOTE!

blind squirrels

2008-10-28T13:47:00.000-07:00

I returned to the mitten this weekend (as any native Michigander will hold up their hand to indicate where they are from, sort of like a retarded boyscout's honor). The drive up was a bit too rainy, but my spirits were lifted by the fact that gas was $2.35, they were practically giving it away.

There were so many people to see and so much to pack into one little weekend. Friday, I strong-armed my brother and his family to have dinner at my favorite restaurant, which at one point in the meal, he even uttered the words "really good," a first after numerous dinners there. Later on in the evening, we met up with everyone and had the first of many cocktails. We went to a few different places and like any good night should end, we found some rather poor musical selections with a wide open dance floor. It was also someone's birthday and apparently I was quite liberal in doling out the birthday kisses to just about anyone whose ever had a birthday, my sincere apologies. The night really never ended due to the ridiculous amount of snoring that was resonating throughout our room.

Saturday was the big game. Now, just for some quick background. I have been watching the Spartans play the Wolverines now for 14 years, roughly half my life. And generally speaking, U of M has almost always had a far superior football team. Apparently, this is a rebuilding year for U of M, and MSU was favored to win. It was an exciting game to watch, we were up, then tied and then up and then tied and then we actually won. Only to be met with disdainful glances and told that "well, every once in a while the blind squirrel gets the nut." So now my victorious team is a handicapped rodent...what is that about U of M breeding snotty elitists?

Sunday came quickly, a bit too quickly for some. I will not disclose why, for fear that my parents may ground me. But overall a most lovely trip home, I loved seeing everyone and hope that it doesn't take another 10 years for all of us to gather.

the little dutch boy

2008-10-21T06:44:00.000-07:00

There is a hole in the fence in the backyard, and Ethan is fascinated by it, and is always poking things and peaking through it. His curiosity and endless fascination with the world amazes me. He is talking more and more, his newest word is 'later,' usually used in a sentence like "no, no, no mama, later," and there is usually some finger wagging involved.

In preparation for Halloween we have been reading lots of Halloween books. He has been practicing his vampire laugh and seems to be slightly befuddled by the concept of a "mummy," usually pointing to the picture and then to me, making a vague connection between the two. I have found that most things Halloween related are tricky to explain including werewolves, witches, skeletons, and ghosts. And up next we have flying reindeers, santa claus, elves, cupid, leprechauns, and the easter bunny...a rather daunting task. In preparation for this onslaught of questions, I have been lucky enough to have inherited an iPhone from a friend that was upgrading, so now I will be able to wiki the little man's questions on demand.

The fall season has arrived, the leaves have changed and there is that wet leaf smell everywhere. I am sad that it is going to be cold soon, but have been enjoying the weather. It is nice to not be in an office all day and be able to go for a run during the day, one of the few perks of unemployment, that and being able to wear pajamas until the fear of actually seeing someone shames me into showering.

One of the best parts of fall is going back to Michigan, the vibrant autumnal colors actually make the drive down 94 tolerable. This weekend is the much anticipated UofM vs. MSU game and shockingly we are favored, but if there is one thing I got out of my time in East Lansing, it is that the Spartans will find a way to botch it. This is our 10 year anniversary since graduating, and we are having a reunion of sorts. And though I did go to MSU, my fondest memories are of Ann Arbor and of my closest and dearest friends that I will see this weekend. I can hardly wait.

one step forward, two steps back

2008-10-20T07:20:00.000-07:00

The job hunt has been a bit lackluster. I got overly excited about a freelance job that was supposed to be for three days, but got cut short due to lack of work. My first and only day there consisted of doing some lame print production, even though I was brought on as a web designer. It was a disappointment all around, long commute, freakishly quiet office (punctuated only by my awful cough that I was just getting over) and crappy work. And to add insult to injury, this one day of work may screw up my unemployment, I think it is safe to say that my optimism has waned slightly.

On Saturday, I went over to a friend's place and she suggested that we take a walk and go do some early voting. I was only vaguely aware of said concept, and had a flashback to four years ago when I had to wait two hours to vote, and so we went, we voted and both agreed that it felt anti-climatic because the election isn't for another two weeks. But at least it is something that I can check off my oh so pressing to-do list.

Saturday night consisted of me accidentally getting punch-drunk. In my head, I thought a bottle of wine with dinner followed by an impromptu bar crawl to meet up with friends seemed like a brilliant idea. The night ended just about as quickly as it started. And though there are some interesting photo booth pictures, can't say that I really remember much. The only thing I did remember the next morning is why I stopped drinking Jameson.

a patch of pumpkins

2008-10-12T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today, Ethan and I ventured out to the suburbs with one of Ethan's favorite classmates and one of my favorite mom friends, to go to the Bengston's Pumpkin Patch. It was an action packed day, filled with an oddly exotic petting zoo (including a baby zebra and a kangaroo), "bunny town" (with a rapidly growing population), a vast field of pumpkins, and pony rides (which unsuprisingly was voted the favorite part of the day). We rounded out the day with purchase of some highly addictive kettle corn and caramel apples and the boys picked out pumpkins, the only rule being that they had to be able to carry it and rolling was not permitted. All and all, a glorious autumn day, and I couldn't ask for better weather or better company.

beggars can't be choosers

2008-10-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

After sending out roughly 40 resumes the past 3 weeks, I got a job, well sort of, I got a two-day freelance job way up in Buffalo Grove. And sadly, I am pretty sure that the amount that I will make is only roughly equivalent to the cost of one week of Ethan's child care. I also swallowed my pride this week and applied for unemployment, and am now worried that that effort may go to waste by accepting this somewhat meager job. But in an attempt to be more optimistic, this is a start at least.

In other news, I thought the debates last night were a wash. McCain seemed to be painfully trying to hard, between the fake creepy grins to his awkward body language. It seemed less of a debate and more of a straight up Q&A, leaving the candidates with very little mano y mano time. I thought Tom Brokaw's moderation was lacking, paling in comparison to Gwen Ifill, who ruled with a much stronger hand, demonstrating that perhaps woman are better leaders? In closing, I thought the highlight of the debate was just how striking Obama looked, it may be superficial (see S. Palin) but i thought the lavendar tie was a knock out and it certainly was change that I could believe in.

sick days

2008-10-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

On Monday, Ethan was sent home from school due to a high fever and apparently is not allowed entrance back until 24 hours later. We were not privy to this last detail until an attempt was made to bring him back the next morning, can't imagine that this reflected well on us. Needless to say, I have spent the last two days kickin it with the Ethan. The first day went well and then day 2 came along and I am pretty sure Ethan duped Mike with a possible fake cough and I imagine a thermometer warmed by his night light. Either way, I thoroughly enjoyed the time spent with him and am pretty sure the sentiment was returned. We went to the park, where sick boy insisted on running around with a coat, not without a wrestling match or two to get it on, we also had a field trip to Target, watched a movie, and had a play date...good stuff. The day ended on a brilliant note, Ethan peed in his potty, which surely only a parent could appreciate and I hope for you non-parents, your eyes don't roll back too far.

Today, I had a streak of good job postings that I applied for. My goal was to actually to apply for unemployment, but after said application process, am going to procrastinate a bit longer. I also got a email requesting an interview for next week. So all and all, I believe things are looking up.

i have joined the revolution

2008-09-29T13:07:00.000-07:00

It is possible, that unemployment begets a breakdown of will, and so after much procrastination and vocal disdain, I now have a Facebook page. In the finer words of my son, "I did it."

rainy days

2008-09-29T11:28:00.000-07:00

I thought that unemployment would give me a bountiful of hours to do pretty much nothing, I have been surprised as to just how quickly the day passes. My days consist of scouring the interwebs for jobs and maybe still being a bit too choosy about what I want to take. I have also been exploring thoughts of a possible career change, and have come up with some exceptionally low paying alternatives. They would include opening my own bakery, painting fulltime/tortured artist thing, playing xylophone in an indie band, becoming a music critic, starting my own culturally relevant (and well designed) magazine, and becoming a fashion designer (hello project runway). Probably in my best fiscal interests, to take what I can get and perhaps spend my spare time honing my other skills.

I have been making a concerted effort to try to get out and enjoy Chicago before winter strikes. I went to the MCA last week and wandered the rooms and forgot how much I missed being around art. I also made it down to the Pilsen Art Walk in hopes of talking to a design principal that I greatly admire and actually crossed paths with her but found myself tongue tied and regrettably missed out.

Last week was a good week for music. Saw the Stars at the Vic, was slightly disappointed but can't help but to feel like my rather grandious expectations were going to be hard to fulfill. I also caught a friend's band at the Bottom Lounge, and along the way had an interesting small world run in. I had gone to a networking event earlier that evening and had talked to two other designers, thought that they were nice enough, and a mere hour later ran into them again at the show...this city is far too small.

Also, made it out to not one but two zoos. My companion for these outings was my favorite little man, Ethan. He had a half day field trip to the Lincoln Park Zoo with his school and my unemployed status allowed me to sign up as a chaperone. The zoo was satisfactory, somewhat limited in time and overall thought the school bus was almost as beloved as the tigers and monkeys. I must say, that there is nothing more heartwarming then seeing a dozen 2 year olds holding a ring rope, it is like a 12 legged race bumping along. We also went out to the Brookfield Zoo and the petting zoo was the by far the highlight of the day. Ethan informed me that instead of a horse, he would now like a llama. Good thing Christmas is just around the corner.

In a closing thought, I am coming to terms that certain chapters of my life are coming to a close and am still wrestling with all that has happend. This has all been much more difficult then I ever expected it would be. I am hoping that an improved and wiser version of me emerges, and that I can look back on all of this and know that I came out the other end ok.

i think i am molting

2008-09-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

I have always heard that stress can manifest itself in different ways. For the past few weeks, my lips have been acting a little nutty. They have been painfully chapped even with constant lip balm application, and appear to be molting. It was pointed out to me that it could be stress, which would make sense being as I am just a titch stressed about the state of my life, marriage and sanity. But why the lips? I am afraid that their weathered appearance may start to scare Ethan a little. Or what if I have to go to a job interview this week, it would be like going on a first date with a cold sore, a deal breaker for sure.

I hope that they stop freaking out, it is starting to stress me out.

the first date

2008-09-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

I have always thought that job searching was kind of like dating, and today I had my first date. The other week I had met a creative director of a large ad agency, we had chatted briefly and I told him I was in the market for a new job and gave him my email. To my delight, he had emailed me and I sent him my resume and a few portfolio pieces. I heard back and he definitely seemed interested and we set a time and a date.

Now, I have been off the market for awhile now, and man alive, was I nervous, did I still have it? The day came, and I did what all girls do before a big date, I put on my make-up, straightened my hair and ironed for the first time in an embarrassingly long time, slipped on some heels and out the door I went.

I would compare the place to a BMW, it was modern, slick and fast. Where I have become much more accustom to say, a Honda Civic, it is dependable, cute and small. The actual interview went pretty well, there was polite conversation, and I felt like he laughed at all of my jokes and made me feel pretty again. I admit that it wasn't love at first sight, but there was chemistry, and for right now he wasn't looking for a major commitment, but I certainly hope that he calls again.

after the rain

2008-09-15T13:40:00.000-07:00

Here goes...

The past few months have been tumultuous to say the very least. I would liken it to the weather here in Chicago, constant rain for 48 hours, and now the skies are still cloudy but the worst of it has passed. You can't predict the weather, but sometimes you know when the storm is coming.

Mike and I have split up. There are many versions of this story, my pr department did a rather shoddy job of letting people know what was going on, and for this I apologize. Having to explain why a relationship ends, is not easy. All that I can say at this point is, that I am sorry for what has happen and wish that it could have ended differently.

And if that was not enough change for one year, I have also "mutually parted ways" with my job at Sandstorm Design, after three and a half years of employment. It has been a long time coming and I am oddly okay with it. I have been wanting to move on to somewhere else for awhile now, and feel like this is very much the right thing for me and am freakishly optimistic about wherever I land next.

Life changes like these seem to happen at once and in three's. I can remember writing in my journal this past spring, that I intuitively felt that change was coming. And the last time I felt that feeling, my two best friends moved out of Chicago, I found out I was pregnant and got married. I have never been a believer that things happen for a reason; I believe that life should be lived, that we are all human and sometimes things get a bit messy, but you learn and grow.

For those that I haven't spoken to in awhile, please don't be worried or alarmed. I am doing okay. The worst of it has passed and the sunshine should be poking through soon.