love at first sight

Watching someone fall in love is always a thing of wonder, but watching your two year old is a whole nother. We spent Christmas Eve with B's family and when the youngest cousin came in, it was like watching a cartoon, complete with eyes popping out of the head and the heart beating out of the chest. From that moment forward, a calm, cool and collected Ethan was glued to her side for the rest of the night. Beforehand, I was worried about him being his usual nutso self and prepared myself for a tantrum or two, but he certainly showed a more mature side then I have ever seen.

I have always been told that my kid was going to be a heartbreaker, but I wasn't quite prepared for such an early start. From this moment forward, I will now be on the lookout for tall, older blondes. I have to confess that him being the son of two designers, I sort of daydreamed about him becoming a super fabulous (fabbbuuluuuss) and famous fashion designer, a mom can only dream.

As for me, I suppose with such a select readership, it really is okay to admit to the 6 or so people that read this blog that I have found the person that makes me feel whole in every possible way. Timing was not everything, but he was a kindred spirit who somehow, someway, I always felt I belonged to and he to me.

I will say that the demise of my marriage was not wholly because of him. There were so many other things wrong and not working. Perspective has been an introspective tool these past few months, there are things that I regret and things that give me pause. I have cried till there was nothing left and been torn to bits over many things. But I can say, that I know that I made the best decision, that I would rather my son grow and flourish in a home that is filled with love and partnership, and me the same.

I hope for this new year to bring some resolve and hope for good things to come. I wish to abide to honesty being the best policy. I admit to not being terribly forthcoming with certain details, but I am going to try my best to change that, to let go a little bit more and be not so afraid of failure and what people think, to be free and feel a bit more like me.